Behind These Hazel Eyes
by bebobnidan
Summary: All's fair in love and war... but what happens when he leaves her broken? RaiN, multi-chapter.
1. Tears

Behind These Hazel Eyes

**Seems like just yesterday**

**You were a part of me**

**I used to stand so tall**

**I used to be so strong**

**Your arms around me tight**

**Everything it felt so right**

**Unbreakable **

**Like nothing could go wrong**

**But now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep**

**I'm barely hanging on**

The car ride home had been painful, at best. Ryan had, being the gentleman he was, driven Natalia home. Instead of pouring her heart out to him, she sat in abysmal silence, a stalwart frown on her beautiful caramel face. Once pulling into Natalia's driveway, he locked the car and stared at her with heartbreaking puppy dog eyes. "Natalia, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly," Natalia replied, and then turned her eyes back out the window. "Ryan," she spoke more to herself than to him, "will you please let me out of the car?" There was silence in response. Ryan placed a gentle, soft hand on her cheek and turned her face directly in front of his. "I'll never hurt you."

Natalia's eyes burst with tears. "Stay the night," she pleaded softly, with love.

**Here I am**

**Once again**

**I'm torn into pieces**

**Can't deny it**

**Can't pretend**

**I just thought you were the one**

**Broken up**

**Deep inside**

**But you won't get to see the tears I cry**

**Behind these hazel eyes**

"Hey Ryan," Natalia greeted as she loaded her purse, slamming the locker closed.

"Hey 'Talia," Ryan replied, organizing the books he had laid out the day before.

"Anything new?" Natalia asked.

"Other than the hot new lab tech Molly? Nope."

Natalia turned stoutly on her heel to face him. "You think she's pretty?" Ryan looked at her, trying to read her hazel eyes as they swam with unforeseen anger. Ryan was smart, but this sudden change in behavior was beyond his domain of scientific knowledge- the best diagnosis he could give was that she was either sick… or it was just that time of month.

"Yeah, I guess. She seems interested too, which is a new one for me."

Natalia winced at the blow. "I'm sure there are others that are interested," she offered, and thought _'one of them is right here. _Ryan missed the hint, and just took it as politeness or friendliness. "So, what are you going to do with her? Look at her through a microscope?"

"Natalia, where's all of this sudden hostility coming from?" Ryan demanded.

"DON'T PLAY DUMB, RYAN!" she screamed. The faint squeak of the locker room door interrupted her rant. There stood Molly, dressed up fancily, with her clutch purse in hand, ready for her date. She looked awkwardly between the two, as Ryan and Natalia were standing, a heartbeat away from each other, breathing in each other's anger.

"I can come back later," Molly suggested, but it was not met with an immediate answer. Ryan turned to her and his eyes softened. "Molly," he began, but was at a loss for words.

"Don't bother. I was just leaving," Natalia whispered quietly, grabbing her purse, locking her locker, and turning on her heel to walk out. Before she was out of earshot, a strangled and wretched sob escaped her lips.

**I told you everything**

**Opened up and let you in**

**You made me feel alright**

**For once in my life**

**Now all that's left of me**

**Is what I pretend to be**

**So together**

**But so broken up inside**

**Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep**

**I'm barely hanging on**

Natalia looked down at the DNA sample. The computer was running names, and Natalia clicked her pen with frustration. Calleigh sauntered into the lab, her coat trailing behind her, and leaned over Natalia's shoulder. "Is that the DNA sample from the Serena Carey case?" Natalia nodded, without looking up, and wiped her face clean of the small droplets that trailed their way down her cheeks.

"Honey, are you okay?" Calleigh asked.

Natalia's resolve crumbled and she screamed a pained cry into the still air of the lab. Calleigh held her tight against her as Natalia poured her tears to stain Calleigh's shirt. "I can't DO it anymore, Calleigh! I can't let him be the one that got away!" Calleigh, surprised and unsure of herself, lifted the heaving sob of a woman off of her chest and held her face in her pale white hands.

"I love you, honey, and you know that, but you had your chance. If its Molly's ball game, you can't be the jealous ex. You have to be the better woman." Calleigh's soothing words only broke Natalia down more.

"I had my chance and I blew it," she sobbed again into her hands. "I spent the whole night thinking about ERIC of all people!" Natalia looked at Calleigh's slightly pained expression, and apologized immediately. "Not that he isn't an amazing man, Calleigh, it's just…"

"You think I want you fawning over my man?" Calleigh laughed, and Natalia grinned through her tears.

She looked down at the DNA sample and then up at Calleigh. "I blew it, right?"

Calleigh looked at her, flashing a brilliant smile. "Lab techs don't last long."

Natalia gave a fake smile, and Calleigh bought it. "I'll be okay," Natalia lied.

"You will," Calleigh agreed, and kissed her softly on the forehead. "You will."

**Here I am**

**Once again**

**I'm torn into pieces**

**Can't deny it**

**Can't pretend**

**Just thought you were the one**

**Broken up**

**Deep inside**

**But you won't get to see the tears I cry**

**Behind these hazel eyes**

Ryan looked out through the window of the trace lab, watching Natalia break into heaving sobs every five minutes. Calleigh was there, rubbing her back and offering words of encouragement. Molly stood beside him, sifting through the rubble from the crime scene, but then turned her face to her boyfriend. "Ryan, what's wrong with Natalia?"

Ryan looked at her. _You, _he thought to himself. "I don't know."

**Swallow me then spit me out**

**For hating you I blame myself**

**Seeing you it kills me now**

**No I don't cry on the outside ANYMORE**

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked as Natalia sifted through her affairs in the locker room. "You seem out of sorts. I think the kidnapping was a little too much for you. Is there anything I can do?"

"What, like drive me home and tell me you'd never hurt me?"

Ryan looked at her, pain in his brown eyes. "I love you, 'Talia…"

"You know, at least treat me with some goddamn respect!" She screamed. "I'M NOT GOING TO JUST STAND HERE AND TAKE THIS FROM YOU!" She calmed down, and placed her purse on the bench. "You know what my husband did to me, right Ryan?"

Ryan nodded and gulped, knowing where she was going with this.

"Since then I've never trusted men when they said they'd never hurt me. You said you'd never hurt me, and stupidly, like an idiot, I believed you with all of my freaking heart. And you turn around and tear it to shreds. Go have fun with Molly," she snapped and slammed the locker door.

"Is this why you've been crying?" Ryan asked concernedly, placing his hand on her cheek.

"I'm not going to cry for you, Ryan. Not anymore." She walked out defiantly.

**Here I am**

**Once again**

**I'm torn into pieces**

**Can't deny it**

**Can't pretend**

**Just thought you were the one**

**Broken up**

**Deep inside**

**But you won't get to see the tears I cry**

**Behind these hazel eyes**


	2. Lies

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 2

It was Horatio's birthday. Naturally, the entire team, including a few of the lab rats, had partied in a small dance club with a bar. Though it wasn't particularly the right niche for Horatio, he smiled as he sat with Yelina at the bar while Frank and Paula danced to the pounding beats of Britney Spears. For the whole night, Natalia had been watching as Ryan turned up the heat with Molly on the dance floor, and she had never felt so empty. Calleigh downed another beer as her friend wiped stagnant tears from her long lashes.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Nat," Calleigh whispered, her voice laced with the huskiness of the beer.

"Doing what, Calleigh? Wanting more?" Natalia challenged, and twirled the straw in her mojito. Calleigh shrugged at Eric, who was concernedly watching without uttering a single word, fearful of Nat's anger. Walter pulled out a stack of cards for the third time that night, trying to distract Natalia. "It's not going to work, Walter," she had spoken stubbornly, but Walter had insisted it was the best way to distract her.

"How did you deal with it, Eric?" Natalia asked, and Eric looked back confusedly. "How did you deal with it when Calleigh was with Jake?"

Calleigh stood uncomfortably and excused herself to the ladies' room. Eric smirked at her discomfort and then turned back to his friend. "Natalia, I'm not going to pretend it's easy." Natalia nodded for him to continue, and Eric sighed. "But you get through it. Don't show him how hurt you are, be the stronger person."

Horatio and Yelina bade the team a good night as they left together, and although it was Horatio's party, they still remained at the bar after his departure. Travers and Valera giggled drunkenly in a corner booth, as Dave downed his fourth beer and groggily tried to woo Cynthia, who rolled her eyes and continued her drunken staring contest with Kyle, who agreed to it even though he hadn't consumed any alcohol.

Eventually the music slowed and Whitney Houston power ballads filled the club. Ryan and Molly joined the team at a long table in the corner of the bar, and much to Natalia's chagrin, Molly laid her head on his shoulder and he leaned his ear on her blond curls. Natalia winced at their contact but then turned back to the team as they laughed. Tired of feeling left out, Natalia spoke out. "Truth or dare, Molly?"

Molly looked at Natalia with surprise. "Truth, I guess."

"Wrong choice," Natalia smirked, at Molly looked at her fearfully. "It's okay, I won't bite. Anyone have any ideas?"

"Yeah," Dave spoke out. "Who's the hottest guy on the team?"

Molly grinned. "Easy. Ryan."

Natalia grimaced at the answer. "I suppose if you were going for the ugliest."

Ryan looked up at her, shocked. The team fell into an intense silence, and then Walter made the moment even more awkward. He started to whisper "oooooohhhh" and the rest of the team joined in. Ryan glared at her and unwrapped his arm from Molly. Calleigh leaned over and whispered in Natalia's ear. "Don't do this Nat, not in front of everyone. Don't embarrass him."

Natalia nodded slowly at Calleigh's words while the rest of the team waited for Ryan's response; but it never came. Natalia stood. "Anyone want some drinks?" A few lab techs nodded, so Natalia walked to the bar.

"I'll come with," Ryan offered and followed her to the bar. Once out of earshot, he turned to her angrily. "What the hell was that?"

"Oh come on Ryan, I was just joking."

"Really? Because it wasn't all that funny," Ryan spat and she glared at him.

"Well what do you expect me to do Ryan? You're walking around like everything's fine when I'm dying inside. And you don't even care."

"Of course I care," Ryan reached his hand up to her face and stroked away the tears. "I love you, 'Talia, and you're one of my best friends…"

"Oh, fuck you Ryan!" Natalia screamed. Calleigh looked over concernedly, and Natalia offered a small fake smile. "Stop acting like there is nothing between us."

"Natalia, you're my friend, that's why I was worried about you."

Natalia looked at him spitefully. "Look, here's what I know. That night you took me home; you told me that you loved me. You told me you'd never hurt me. I believed you, and I loved you back. There. I said it. Then I find out that you're dating the first young blonde girl to walk into the lab, and suddenly you deny everything that we have together."

"It wasn't like that," Ryan pleaded.

"Really, Ryan? It wasn't? Then tell me what this is."

Ryan sputtered out nothing but a sigh. "I don't know."

Natalia thanked the bartender than gave her a beer and grabbed Valera's drink. "Why don't we get back to the party? Molly will be missing you."

Ryan grabbed her arm and the drink fell to the ground, but he didn't care.

"Ryan, let go of my arm."

Ryan's eyes darkened. "No. You don't get to act like this anymore."

"RYAN I SAID LET GO OF MY FUCKING ARM!"

The noise from the bar dimmed. Calleigh stood and glared at Ryan. "Ryan, what the hell are you doing? Let her go!" She ordered him, and he complied.

"I didn't… I didn't mean to…"

"Of course not," Natalia snapped. "That's exactly what Nick said."

She left Ryan and Calleigh at the bar, tears streaming down her cheeks.


	3. Early Morning

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 3

The glowing digits on her alarm clock read 2:04 A.M, but still someone was pounding violently against her front door. She rolled over tiredly to grab her gun from her bedside. Slipping on a silk night robe and descending her grand staircase, Natalia walked exhaustedly to the front door and opened the door as far as the chain-lock would allow. Ryan's concerned hazel eyes stared back into hers. Without uttering a word, Natalia closed the door, unlocked the chain, and opened it fully to allow him entry. Ryan awkwardly entered the house, his shoes clacking against the polished wood floors.

"Nice place," he complimented, and Natalia glared at him.

"If you woke me up at this ungodly hour to inspect my house, I will shoot you."

Ryan chuckled and turned to her. She didn't laugh with him, instead turning the opposite way and walking in the kitchen. "Make yourself at home. Probably doesn't stand up to Molly's, but I make good coffee." He ignored the snide remark and nodded. She proceeded to rummage through her pantry to grab the sugar and then tossed the jug of cold coffee in the microwave. Ryan raised an eyebrow at the lack of effort she put into making her coffee, but she didn't catch it.

"Did you need something?" Natalia asked as she poured the steaming liquid into a mug and handed it to Ryan. He took it gratefully, but did not drink it. Instead he nonchalantly placed it on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. Natalia followed suit, but sat on the opposite side of the room, crossing her arms and legs until it looked physically impossible to unwind her. Ryan sighed and he looked at her.

"I wasn't going to leave last night with things the way they were," he began.

"You seemed ready to," Natalia snapped back, sipping her coffee.

"But I got to thinking that you don't deserve this."

"What do you want from me Ryan?" she asked breathlessly. "Do you want me to apologize for last night? To apologize to Molly for making her feel a little uncomfortable? Or to apologize for you, for saying that I loved you?"

Ryan looked up with pain in his eyes. "I miss things the way they were before."

Natalia stood and placed her coffee in the sink, dumping the brown contents down the sink and watching as it swirled down the drain. _Much like my life_, she thought. "You mean, before I told you how I felt, or before Molly?"

Ryan sat awkwardly at the couch until she returned. This time, she sat next to him and uncrossed her limbs. "Look, Ryan, here's what I know. I don't want things the way they used to be. I don't want to have to lie to you anymore. I'm desperately in love with you Ryan, and from last night that hasn't changed, stupid as it sounds. And I don't care about Molly- you could get married and I'd feel the same way. Sure, at first it hurt a lot, but now you just need to be straight with me. Why did you say you loved me if you didn't mean it?" Natalia asked straightforwardly, and Ryan shifted in his seat.

"I did mean it," he whispered.

"Well then," Natalia whispered in his ear and leaned in close, her sweet breath blowing in his face, and Ryan had trouble containing himself. She pressed her chest against his and brought her face right up to his eye level. "Shame on YOU," she spat and recoiled abruptly. She stood again and marched back into the adjoining kitchen, crossing her arms and facing the other direction. "So now I find out you mean it, you BASTARD!" Natalia whipped around to face Ryan, who was as shell-shocked as he had ever been. "If you're not playing me for a sap, then you're playing Molly? How DARE you treat a woman like that? Did your mother teach you ANYTHING?"

"Natalia…" he began, struggling with his words.

"Don't you dare," Natalia snapped. "Get the fuck out of my house."

"Natalia, when I said I loved you, I…"

"You what, Ryan? You love me like a sister? Or are you playing both Molly AND me? Do you even care about our feelings? Get the fuck out of my house!"

Ryan whipped around and glared her straight in the face. Natalia, in all her anger, had never seen him so enraged. "If you'd let me fucking explain, Natalia, maybe you'd get a fucking answer!" Natalia looked at him, completely shocked by his outburst. "I love you Natalia, and I wanted more with you. But Molly came around and I realized that I…kind of liked her too. She made the first move on me, I guess, so I just took the old saying to heart. Early bird gets the worm."

"Oh wow Ryan," Natalia gasped mockingly, "I never knew that asking you out for coffee means more than ADMITTING THAT I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!" There was a stagnant pause in their heated argument. Ryan sighed and made his way to the door, wiping the small tears that built up behind his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, opened the door, but changed his mind. Natalia spoke first. "But what I said was true, Ryan, I'm done crying for you. So run around with Barbie until her little plastic legs fall off from all of your fucking, and don't come running back to me when she finds a real man." Natalia proceeded to slam the door in Ryan's shocked face and fell to the ground with her head in her hands.

It was 6:24 and Natalia hadn't fallen asleep yet, but she had to be at work at 8:00. Her alarm clock glowed a stunning green light in her eyes as she thought about Ryan. How could she be so stupid? How could she think that a guy like him would ever like a girl like her? Natalia rolled over on her side when suddenly the telephone rang.

_"Natalia?"_ came the timid voice from the other line.

"May I ask who's calling?" Natalia answered, her voice groggy from the yelling.

_"Its Molly," _she answered, _"Sloan."_

"I figured," Natalia answered.

_"I need your…approval," _Molly whispered awkwardly.

"Of what?" Natalia grimaced at the likelihood that it had to do with Ryan.

_ "To… take the step with Ryan," _she whispered.

"THE STEP?" Natalia screamed over the phone. She calmed down, realizing how possessive she sounded. "Is he there right now?"

_"Yeah."_

"I have no problem with your relationship," Natalia lied through clenched teeth.

_"That's not what Ryan says."_

Natalia was stunned. "Really, what did Ryan say?"

_"Well, I asked him where he went last night after the party… and he said you called him and that when he got to your house you freaked out and started fighting with him… about me."_

"First of all, Molly, I didn't call him. He showed up at 2:00 in the fucking morning. Secondly, he started the problem by treating you and me like crap."

_"Oh. How?"_

"It's not important. Take your step or whatever you call it."

_"Alright… don't tell anyone about this. It'll be our secret."_

Natalia rolled her eyes. "I'll cherish it forever." With that she hung up and started to cry.


	4. Breakdown

**Hi all! Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! This story (as you've probably all noticed) is no longer a songfic, but the fantastic song by Kelly Clarkson inspires it. This is a HUGE RaiN chapter, and I think all of you R/N fans will get a kick out of it- until the very end. This chapter doesn't have much Horatio or his sunglasses, but I hope you like it nonetheless! R&R!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 4

It was a cooler day in Miami, with the heat spiking at a meager 65 degrees. Ryan huddled in a fleece while he waited for the DNA results. For the past week, he and Natalia had avoided all contact. Horatio and Calleigh had noticed the change and had agreed to separate the two as much as possible to avoid conflict on the job. Calleigh had pleaded with Ryan to work things out with her and get his mind back on the job, but he had refused and told her he had nothing to apologize for. Beside the occasional civil exchange of DNA samples or skin tags, no words were passed between them and Ryan had fallen into the rhythm of going with Eric and Walter for lunch instead of eating in the break room with Natalia like he usually did. Eric (unlike Walter, who was completely oblivious) had noticed the shift in Ryan's behavior but decided not to pry. He knew that Ryan and Nat weren't on good terms from the confrontation at the bar a week ago, but it wasn't his position to inquire. Ryan, when Molly had asked, refused another coffee date and instead went straight home to bed early.

Things seemed tense enough around the lab already without this added disagreement. Horatio's manhunt for the escaped convicts had hit a sour note and nothing had turned up. It seemed like a book-end, and Calleigh had pry Horatio from his desk every night so that the older lieutenant would go home, all the while insisting that he needed just another hour or so. This had been the first time that Ryan had noticed the lieutenants aging- with his insomnia came deeper carved wrinkles and bagging eyes from stale sleepless nights. Ryan had been less of a use to Horatio lately since he was preoccupied with his social life, and the manhunt was called off, leaving Horatio incredibly disappointed in his team and angrier by the minute. The day he had snapped at Calleigh was the final straw, and she begged for Horatio to take a week off.

The assumption was that with Calleigh in charge, things would run much smoother than with a feisty Horatio. Unfortunately, those predictions went haywire in the first hour of her shift. Natalia was walking down the hallway when she spotted Molly struggling with a box of evidence. Feeling generous, the older CSI wandered over to the young blonde and offered her hand. "Let me take that," Natalia grunted, and Molly complied, fearful of crossing paths.

"Oh, are you sure you don't need help?" Molly asked.

"I'm fine." Natalia snapped, harsher than she had intended. Molly flinched.

"Okay. Let me know if you need help. I'll be in QD with Ryan if…"

The words had tumbled from Molly's mouth before she could take them back. "Oh, so you've wandered outside your lab-tech comfort zone?"

Molly winced. "Yeah… Ryan just dragged me in there for help."

"I doubt there was much dragging involved," Natalia spat.

"You can't just treat me like that," Molly retorted. _Wrong move, _Natalia thought.

"Oh really, bitch?" Natalia snapped. Calleigh emerged from fingerprints.

"Excuse me?" Molly spat back. "What the FUCK did you just call me?"

"A bitch. Would you like me to spell it out for you, dumb blonde?"

"OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH!" Calleigh screamed from outside of one of the rooms. "Natalia, you're coming with me. Molly, go be useful somewhere. I don't want you working with Ryan, I don't want you working with Natalia, and while we're at it, keep your man-stealing hands off of Eric too!"

Molly glared at her. "Trust me, Calleigh, I'm not that desperate."

A dangerous glint entered Calleigh's emerald green eyes. She slowly walked over to Molly, her heeled boots clacking against the polished tiles of the lab floor. Natalia was heaving for air, but stopped immediately as she felt the tension radiating from the two blonds and watched intently. Calleigh smiled menacingly, and then spoke. "It's funny Molly, because if I were you I'd be desperate to keep my job."

Molly quickly realized her mistake. "I…Calleigh I didn't mean…"

"Horatio, I'm sure, would love to hear your sentiments about Eric and about Natalia. Why don't we have a little chat later on?" Molly looked shell-shocked and sputtered out meaningless, embarrassed noises. "I'll see you at six," Calleigh whispered dangerously and turned on her heel. "Natalia, come with me!"

The two women left Molly standing with the evidence around her feet, completely embarrassed and humiliated. Once Natalia and Calleigh made it into the blonde CSIs office, Calleigh shut the door and the two sat down. "Look, Natalia, I know this is tough for you, but you have to be straight with me."

"Okay," Natalia agreed. "What is it?"

Calleigh sighed. "Do you think you can still do this job?"

"WHAT? Why not?"

Calleigh turned to avoid meeting the other woman's gaze. "Nat," she began and stood to fix the shade on the window, "you know as well as I do that the closeness of the team is really important. I'm going to be really honest with you, honey, but I don't think that Horatio has the patience for this anymore. We have bigger fish to fry," Calleigh nodded in the direction of the board with the escaped convicts' pictures.

"Calleigh, it was just an outburst, it won't happen again."

Calleigh turned back to Natalia with discomfort glinting in her eyes. "I can't take that chance. What happens if it's you and Ryan caught in some shoot out and you let your anger get the best of reason? What happens if your arguing with Molly disrupts her ability to do her job? What happens if the whole team splits sides over you and Ryan and then they have to decide?"

Natalia chewed her nail sadly. "I don't know," she confessed.

"Nat, you know I love you, but if this happens again there… might have to be some action taken."

"I understand"

"I'm glad," Calleigh smiled. "Shall we get back to work?"

"No, I… do you think it's okay if I take the rest of the day off?"

Calleigh looked at her with concern in her emerald orbs. "Of course."

"Thanks," Natalia gushed and rushed out of the room.

She was in a hurry. Her eyes had become blurred as she pushed past people to get to the elevator. Tears filmed over her glassy eyes and she wiped them away with frustration. _Just get to the elevator and don't look at anyone, _she told herself. The elevator door beeped the familiar arrival noise, and the door swung open. _Please don't be him- please don't be him. _How ironic, Natalia thought, that it was in fact Ryan.

"Hey," she uttered her first word to him in a week.

"Hi," he replied, surprised. He held a hand out to stop the elevator.

"Can I get on?" she asked jokingly.

"Be my guest," Ryan looked at her, shocked. "Are we talking now?"

Natalia laughed through her tears, and it was the first time Ryan realized the wet spots below her hazel eyes. She stroked them away with the back of her hand and turned to face him. "Ryan I've been really stupid."

"No, no that's not true!" Ryan insisted, grabbing her hands. "It's not at all."

"I've been a bitch to you and I was just stupid and jealous and I'm sorry."

"I…I'm the one that…"

"Ryan shut up," she whispered, and placed gentle pink lips against his. The kiss heated up, and her tongue slid inside of his mouth and elicited a soft moan from Ryan. Natalia broke the kiss and gasped for air. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just… forgot about Molly and everything just… I'm so sorry…"

"Talia, I broke up with Molly just now," he whispered gently.

Natalia looked at him, shocked. "Don't play with me Ryan, I'm very fragile."

"It's true. I ended things."

"Why?" Natalia asked as she pried for the answer she'd been hoping for.

"I couldn't be with her when I was so desperately in love with you." Their realization culminated in a kiss of bright passion. They had waited for years on end for this one climactic moment, where their lives would be forever intertwined by love. Miles away, a doctor confirmed Molly Sloan's pregnancy.

**Crazy, right? I hope you enjoy! I'll probably update once a day (since fanfiction is now officially my life!) I'm planning on about a 20 to 40-chapter story, but we'll see where that takes us. Hope for at least 15 more!**


	5. It's Yours

**Chapter 5 is up, day after, as promised! I have to be honest, the slight lack of reviews is kind of discouraging, but it's okay. I really LOVE reviews because they let me know that people are actually reading my story LOL… but you don't have to! I'd really like to hear your thoughts on where I should go with this story (because honestly, promising a 40-chapter story is difficult with only 15 reviews). I'm not quite sure how long I can keep you relatively entertained, and I'd love to hear what you find interesting and if you like angst as much as I do, because that's the real nature of this story. Enjoy!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 5

It was a peaceful morning for Ryan. He had slept extremely well last night with Natalia wrapped in his arms, and had awoken to the smell of crisped bacon and the soft sizzle of pancakes on the stove. Had he been inclined to get out of bed, he would have insisted to Natalia that it wasn't necessary to make him breakfast, but Ryan was still partially dreaming of the events of last night, and that got him wondering how much of it was just wishful thinking. He heard her humming, and smiled to himself as she crooned her out-of-tune rendition of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." He had imagined himself saying those very words to her, but somehow the statement hadn't come up last night and Ryan assumed that they were taking things slow. Natalia had been through a lot of heartbreak in the romance department, and Ryan was partially to blame. He hadn't meant to hurt Natalia or Molly for that matter, but somehow things had gotten out of control. It was hard for him to understand how Natalia felt- she was so guarded that after she told him she loved him she refused to date him. Molly had been a fresh start- Natalia had consumed every romantic thought of his for the past five years and it was a clean slate for Ryan. Seeing Natalia jealous was possibly both the sexiest and the most heartbreaking emotion she had ever displayed. Ryan felt completely guilty for ending things with Molly, as she was a nice girl with no idea what kind of bond she was breaking by stepping on Natalia's toes. Things were moving slowly, but well.

The humming grew closer and Ryan heard padded footsteps against the shiny wood floors of his place. Natalia slipped into bed with him and Ryan opened his eyes to meet her hazel orbs. Natalia grinned. "I'm making breakfast," she whispered and stroked his tousled hair behind his ears.

"I figured," Ryan laughed and Natalia giggled.

"I'm scared to touch anything in here. It's so organized."

"Don't be," Ryan insisted. "I'll clean up after you."

Natalia chuckled again. "Well, come out when you're ready."

She turned to get out of bed but he grabbed her arm gently. "Are we going to...?"

"Talk about last night?" Natalia finished for him. "Maybe later."

"I don't want to wait," he pleaded and she laughed with discomfort.

"All you need to know is I'm not ready to get married," Natalia joked.

"Then I'll wait," Ryan spoke sincerely, and Natalia's face fell in a frown.

"Ryan… things are moving... really quickly for me," she whispered.

"I told you I'd wait," Ryan argued back and Natalia turned from him.

"Breakfast is ready," she muttered and then walked out of the room.

Ryan let his head fall back on the pillow in defeat. Correction: things were moving slowly, but not well. It was agonizing to listen to her complaints about taking things slow, and it was utterly heartbreaking when she compared their relationship to her marriage to Nick. While Ryan was ready to be patient and prepared to deal with her past scars, it was maddening to hear that things were moving too quickly or that she was scared that he was going to hurt her. Up until the fiasco with Molly, Ryan had felt as though he had never done a thing to hurt her, but she remained as stubborn as ever, refusing every advance under the guise of fear. Ryan pulled the covers off of him and got dressed quickly, not bothering to fix his usually perfect hair, and strode into the kitchen. Natalia sat with coffee at the tiny breakfast table. She had a strip of bacon and one pancake, but it was untouched and presumably getting colder by the minute.

Ryan awkwardly sat down with her, and they ate in silence for five minutes. Natalia dropped her mug on the table and turned to him. "Am I driving you crazy?"

"Sorry?" Ryan asked.

"Is my need for a slow relationship driving you insane?"

"Yes," Ryan admitted, "but I'd rather be crazy with you than sane without you."

Natalia smirked and slapped his arm. "Always the charmer."

"I try to be," he joked and then kissed her on the cheek. Natalia winced slightly at the contact, but relaxed when he pulled away. "Look, 'Talia, I will always love you," he sputtered out the lyrics and Natalia laughed.

"You heard me singing?"

"It was beautiful," Ryan joked and Natalia giggled. "It doesn't matter to me if you want to move at two miles an hour or 70 miles an hour down the freeway, as long as I'm with you and you're honest with me. Is that fair to ask?"

"Absolutely," Natalia agreed.

"Then be honest with me. Are you holding back because of Molly or Nick?"

A stagnant pause hung in the air and Natalia choked on her coffee. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, love," he whispered gently.

"I don't think I have to answer that," she snapped and stood, turning to walk out.

"Natalia you just said you'd be honest with me."

"That was until you asked me the question of my fucking life!" Natalia spat.

"Don't make this about me. It's you that's pulling away," Ryan argued.

"I think I should get going," Natalia turned and grabbed her purse.

Ryan grabbed her neck and pulled her in a fiery kiss of passion. Natalia's arm fell limp at her side as she returned the embrace, but she eventually pulled away. "I'll never hurt you like Nick did, 'Talia."

"I know," she whispered softly. "But I guess it wasn't safe to assume in the other direction either," she argued.

"I guess so," he agreed.

They stood awkwardly, breathing in the calm air that had been restored.

"I'll get going," Natalia stated, clearing her plate of food.

"I'll drive you in," Ryan offered.

"I'd rather go myself. It is your day off, and you just missed one because of me."

Ryan looked hurt by the rejection, but covered it up well. "I'll call you later then."

"Sure," she agreed and kissed him softly on the lips, lacking the same heated passion as before but just as loving. "Maybe we could see a movie."

"I'd love to."

"It's a date. There's a message on the answering machine, I didn't listen to it."

"Okay, love you!" Ryan interjected as she jogged down his driveway.

Natalia smiled but did not offer the same response. As the Hummer peeled out of the driveway, she beeped twice as a goodbye. Ryan sighed in disappointment and turned to listen to the answering machine. The voice on the other end surprised him.

_"Hi Ryan, it's Molly. Ummm… I'd really rather say this in person but I figured this might be easier over the phone. I'm…pregnant. It's yours, I'm sure of it. I know we aren't seeing each other anymore but I'd really appreciate it if we could talk about what you could do to support me. I'm probably going to keep the baby, unless we find a better solution. Give me a call when we can meet, because I know it's your day off. I have a good memory. Please do- if not for me, then for our baby."_

The answering machine cut the recording off, and Ryan sat shell-shocked at the kitchen table. It took him a few minutes to wrap his head around what he had just heard. When he had finally taken it all in, he considered to himself what this meant. On one hand, raising a child had always been a dream of his and finally settling down was something he had planned on before he turned thirty. For the past five years, he had dreamed about raising a family with Natalia- he knew she would be a good mother, and he knew he'd be a good husband, so the pieces all fit together. On the other hand, a child with parents that are no longer together will grow up with deep emotional scars. He and Molly had dated for such a short time, and Ryan barely knew the woman that would carry and raise his son or daughter. She was a nice woman, but hearing about it this way was not necessarily how his dream life had been planned out.

Two hours passed with Ryan sitting at the kitchen table, confused and guilty. He turned back to the phone and called Molly.

_"Molly Sloan,"_ came the reply.

"Molly it's Ryan."

_"Oh. I didn't think you'd call back," _she admitted.

"Do you honestly think I'm that kind of guy?"

_"Well I left you that message last night,"_ Molly argued.

"You're right."

_"So? Are we going to talk about it?"_

"Molly, I don't really have much to talk about."

_"This is going to sound cliché, but I need you right now, Ryan," _Molly whispered.

"I don't want..._our_… child to grow up with parents that don't love each other," Ryan admitted cautiously. "But I don't love you and you don't love me… so I guess we've hit a problem."

_"Ryan, this is awful for me to say but I really want you back."_

Ryan sighed. "I know, Molly, but I just can't be where my heart isn't."

_"Well at least think about it. I need you right now, OUR baby needs you right now, and I just can't do this by myself."_

Ryan wiped a stray tear. "I'll call you this afternoon. Maybe I'd come by and check up on you? I'll go to ALL of your doctors appointments."

_"I have one tonight."_

"I… can't come tonight," Ryan mumbled.

_"Why not? It's your day off!"_

"I promised 'Talia I'd go see a movie with her and…"

_"And what, Ryan? You knock me up and then don't want to take responsibility for your fucking child? Be at the doctors appointment, Ryan, or I'll make sure you never get to see your child," _Molly snapped and hung up the phone.

Ryan sat in the kitchen, and wiped his eyes again. He dialed Natalia's number.

_"Boa Vista," _she responded cheerfully.

"Hey honey, it's Ryan," he greeted.

_"Ry, you're on speakerphone. Wait one sec," _Natalia insisted.

At the lab, Calleigh looked up and grinned at Natalia, who blushed.

"I called because I don't think I can make it to the movie tonight."

_"Oh. Why not?" _Natalia's hurt voice sounded over the line.

"I realized I have…a doctor's appointment that I can't miss."

_"You can't make an exception just this once?" _Natalia asked sadly.

"You know how tough it is to get appointments with the hours we work."

_"I do," _Natalia whispered.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded and he heard a soft sigh from the other end.

_"It's okay Ry, we'll figure something out. I have to go. See you tomorrow!"_

"I love you," he tried desperately, but the line was already disconnected.

Ryan looked at the phone one last time, and then broke down.

**See? I'm evil! Ryan's caught in the middle. AGAIN. Anyway, R&R PLEASE!**


	6. To Tell the Truth

**I'm back! Next-day updates might not work all the time, but school has been really easy recently. This long chapter is probably not my best, but I think you'll enjoy anyway. Reviews are getting better! Thank you all so much for the great feedback and I think I'm going to be able to keep this going a while longer as long as people still want to read it. Enjoy!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 6

Ryan awoke to the muffled sound of snoring. He grinned and rolled over to catch the sight of light brown hair draped over the pillow next to him. Natalia's snoring was something he had yet to become accustomed to- beautiful as she was, the loud and nasal noises echoing through the night were not his favorite aspects of her. He had called Natalia last night and told her that he had cancelled the doctor's appointment and that he wanted to go to the movies with her- not once did he mention the fact that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child. He had told Molly that he was sick, and she had believed him reluctantly, pleading with him to be at the next one. Ryan knew that someday he would have to confess to both of them, but for now he was just too damn happy to tell the truth.

"Good morning," he whispered as Natalia's snoring stopped.

"Mmmm… a very good one," Natalia agreed as Ryan dotted soft kisses on her neck. "But we do have to go to work."

"I think Horatio will forgive us just this once," Ryan whined.

"I can't be late two days in a row, Ry," Natalia laughed and got out of bed.

Ryan sighed again and fell back against the pillow. How could he keep lying to her? He didn't want to- he wasn't a naturally deceptive person, but this big a secret was something he would prefer not to disclose. He could only imagine the look on her face when one day she would see Molly walking into the lab with a baby bump. Ryan knew he would have to be the one to tell her. He couldn't risk Molly disclosing the secret to Natalia, and he couldn't risk Natalia finding out on her own.

Natalia strode back into the bedroom, ready for work, and looked at the frown on Ryan's face. "Something wrong, honey?"

"Talia, there's something I should tell you," Ryan confessed.

"Oh no. Don't give me the 'just friends' speech," Natalia laughed, but it fell flat.

"You know how I was dating Molly, right?" _Stupid question, _Ryan thought.

"How could I forget?" Natalia giggled nervously.

"Well… things got…romantic," Ryan blurted awkwardly.

"If you're trying to tell me something, Ryan, then just do it."

"She's pregnant…Talia, I'm so sorry…" Ryan pleaded and Natalia's eyes grew dark.

"Oh," Natalia realized. "I see. That was the doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah. But I cancelled," Ryan added, hopeful.

"Oh. So… let me get this straight. You and Molly have sex, you get her pregnant, leave her with the baby and instead go to the movies with me?"

"No!" Ryan begged. "I was trying to make you happy!"

"Oh okay, that makes it completely morally better. You just dumped that poor woman with your child nonetheless to go to some doctor's appointment while you were off at the movies? How could you fucking do that, Ryan?" Natalia yelled.

"Talia, I did it for you!" Ryan snapped.

"Don't make this about me, Ryan. You knock up that poor girl and then you have the nerve to run out on her?"

"I didn't know she was pregnant when we broke up!" Ryan spat. "You have no fucking clue what you're talking about!"

"All you men are the same," Natalia spat back angrily. "You don't give a fuck about the women that are left behind to do your dirty work." Natalia grabbed her purse and started to storm out of Ryan's house.

"Oh come on, Natalia, don't tell me you'd be happier if I'd gone to the appointment and left you alone!"

"GO TO HELL!" Natalia screamed as she slammed the door. Ryan ran to the door and opened it, so that they were out on the driveway. Ryan was partially naked, but he didn't care as he argued back.

"Why are you mad about this? We weren't together when…" Ryan stopped himself. It wasn't worth the fight. Natalia looked at him expectantly, but got no reply. Instead, Ryan turned in defeat and receded back into the house, leaving Natalia shocked and still on the street, heaving in anger. The brunette looked around and realized that a few people had stopped and looked at her, but she didn't care. Natalia followed Ryan back in the house and dropped her purse on the bench in the front hallway. Ryan looked at her, surprised that she had come with him. Natalia offered a sad smile. "Ry, if this is going to be your child, then I'll help as much as I can." Natalia reached out her arms and Ryan grabbed her into a loving hug, their bodies pressed together with pure passion. Ryan released her and smiled back.

"I love you," he whispered, and Natalia grinned childishly.

"I figured," she replied, avoiding saying the same three words. _It'll take more than that to win me over, Romeo, _Natalia thought.

"Well, I guess I'll meet you at work." It was more of a question than a statement.

"I'll see you there."

"Maybe we could grab dinner after work?" Ryan offered, fearful of rejection.

"Ry," Natalia whispered, "dinner every night is not going to make this work."

"Then what is?" Ryan begged. "Is there anything I can do that I haven't already?"

"I'm not gonna do your thinking for you!" Natalia joked and slapped his arm playfully as they sat on the bench. "You figure something out and talk to me about it at work. Make it romantic and perfect."

"Only for you," Ryan laughed, and Natalia kissed him softly on the cheek.

"I'll see you later," she mumbled cautiously, not wanting to go further. She stood and grabbed her purse. Natalia strode out of Ryan's house, attempting to avoid further confrontation. _We're on edge enough as it is_, Natalia thought. Guilty for not returning the loving words, and angry over Molly's pregnancy, Natalia stormed into work with a stalwart frown on her face. Calleigh did not want to dig deeper, as she knew the problems between Ryan and Natalia, but kept the secret under wraps. It was better that way.

When Ryan came into work, Eric approached him about the tension between Ryan and Molly. When Ryan had gone to visit her to have her process some DNA, no words were passed between them, and Molly had only offered Ryan a disappointed gaze as he left to go into the field.

"Wolfe, what's going on man?" Eric asked concernedly.

"Nothing, Eric. What do you mean?"

"Between you and Molly. You always flirt with her, man, I've seen it."

"There's nothing going on, Delko. Just drop it," Ryan snapped.

"Okay, don't shoot the messenger." Eric turned back to the computer screen. Attempting to catch Ryan in a lie, Eric spoke. "She's cute. Would you let me make a move on that?"

Ryan winced and replied coolly. "She's not mine to give out."

"Alright, dude, whatever you say. Mind you, I'm dating Calleigh," Eric laughed evilly and then turned back to the screen. "She's the only girl I see."

"Cute," Ryan replied sarcastically. "Let's get back to work."

The rest of the day passed in the same manner. Eric, being observant, had noticed the small love-struck smiles Natalia and Ryan had offered each other, and he laughed at their immaturity. When he had approached Calleigh about the possibility of Ryan and Natalia's relationship, Calleigh looked confused and told Eric that she was positive that they were having problems relating to Ryan's relationship with Molly. Eric argued that Molly and Ryan had been displaying tension, but Calleigh dismissed it as simple awkwardness. Eric and Calleigh both spent the day trying to weasel information subtly out of Natalia, who generally was easier to break.

"Hey Nat, heading out?" Calleigh asked as she emptied her locker.

"No where special," Natalia replied. "Probably movies on the couch."

"Alone?" Calleigh responded.

"Maybe with a friend." Natalia replied cautiously.

"Anyone I know?" Calleigh pried, closing her locker with a smirk.

"Could be," Natalia dodged carefully.

"You two could see the _Alpha and Omega _kid movie about wolves. It'd be appropriate for the…audience," Calleigh hinted not-quite-so-subtly.

"OKAY FINE!" Natalia blurted with a huge smile. "It's Ryan, okay?"

"Oh my god!" Calleigh screamed and hugged her brightly. "I knew it!"

"Don't tell anyone, though. I don't know how serious it is."

"Don't you know how to tell?" Calleigh asked, surprised.

"No?" Natalia looked questioningly at the blonde.

"If he's said the three words, then it's serious."

"He did," Natalia answered cautiously.

"What did you say?" Calleigh asked, seeing the frown on her friend's face.

"I said 'I figured'," Natalia replied sadly.

"You haven't said it back yet?"

"He hurt me, Calleigh!" Natalia finally yelled. "He took me home that night after I was drugged by the psychic, and he told me that he loved me. I said I loved him too, but I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. We started flirting like hell and I was so sure that it was going somewhere special, but then stupid Molly came in and screwed things up and now I don't know what to think. He dumped her because he loved me, but I haven't said it back because I don't even know if I do love him. I mean, I did, but he promised he'd never hurt me and he did. Oh, Calleigh, I'm so fucking lost."

"Whoa, Nat, if you give a guy the boot, don't expect for him to just wait around."

"I know, I know, I was just scared. But I was so sure that he was the one, and now I'm afraid to admit that again," Natalia admitted and she sat on the bench sadly.

"Sweetie, if Ryan's the one for you, he'll forget about Molly."

"It's not that simple," Natalia whispered, forgetting to keep the secret.

"Why not?" Calleigh asked, surprised.

"I…shouldn't have said anything."

"Nat, if not for gossip, then because I'm in charge for a little while longer."

"MOLLY'S PREGNANT," Natalia gasped and shoved her face in Calleigh's arms. "She's pregnant and it's RYAN'S."

"Shhhh…" Calleigh soothed, just as shocked as she'd ever been but still remaining strong. "Then Ryan will love you and the baby will love you like a second mother."

"I can't bear to have them start a family together and have me be the one that stole the Daddy," Natalia wept. Calleigh stroked her back and sat in the dark locker room, the only sound being the soft weeping of the heart-broken woman in her arms.

That night, Natalia had returned exhausted from a grueling and depressing day at work to her house. Ryan sat on the couch, drinking a beer and watching an HBO special. Natalia slipped into a night robe and sat next to him. Ryan immediately wrapped a strong arm around her slim shoulders and hugged her close. Natalia laughed bitterly. "You didn't do anything special?"

Ryan's face fell. "Calleigh told me you need to go to bed early."

"So tomorrow night?" Natalia offered, looking into his hazel eyes.

"Molly has an…" Ryan began and Natalia grunted and turned to the TV.

"I get it, she has an appointment. You don't have to tell me again."

"Honey," Ryan began, but Natalia shook her head bitterly and interrupted.

"Don't call me that," she snapped. "I'm not your _honey. _I'm an actual person, surprise surprise, and you are going to treat me like that, okay?"

Ryan looked at her, shocked. "I was just showing you how much I…"

"How much you what, Ryan?" Natalia pulled away from his embrace. "Listen, I loved you too, and you had your chance, as much as I had mine. Maybe this isn't going to work."

"Talia, if this is about Molly, I'm sorry. I'm truly, completely, utterly sorry."

"It's not about Molly," Natalia snapped. "It's about everything we've been through together. If you really loved me you'd never treat me like that."

"I do love you," Ryan spat, and Natalia looked fearfully into his darkening eyes. "I love you more than I've loved anyone on this fucking planet and I hate that you don't see that. Maybe you don't love me back, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to let you act like I'm the one that won't commit."

"Ryan, you're scaring me," Natalia whispered, and his eyes softened.

"Why are you so afraid of me? I fucking love you, 'Talia, and I'll never hurt you. I want you to be mine; I want you to be my girlfriend or my wife or even just my best friend. I want to be with you; I'm not Nick, I'm someone that's going to love you right and you can never change that," Ryan confessed softly.

Natalia wiped fat tears from her hazel eyes. "I… I'm not afraid of you."

"Okay, good. Then what are you afraid of?" Ryan asked sadly.

"I'm afraid of losing you," Natalia confessed. "I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and the bed will be empty. I'm afraid that one day you'll leave me for someone younger or prettier or smarter. I'm afraid that your baby will bring you and Molly closer than you and I. I'm afraid that someday something will happen at work and I'll never get to say goodbye. I'm afraid that…I'm afraid of how much I love you." The words tumbled carelessly from her mouth before she could take them back.

"I love you too."

That night, Natalia sat up in bed as Ryan's soft snoring lulled her into a peaceful revere. She was on edge- there was no turning back now. She had said the words she'd been afraid of for so long- and that was truthfully killing her. If Ryan were gone the next morning, Natalia wouldn't be surprised. He clearly hadn't committed to many relationships, despite how gentile he'd been with Natalia. She looked down at his peaceful sleeping form and sighed. She'd dreamt of their union for so long, but now she was spending this perfect moment thinking of how things could go wrong. It wasn't how she'd pictured it- she had imagined them walking on the beach one day and then she'd reach out to him and he'd kiss her, and the next day they were married. She'd imagined a house-full of kids that looked all like Ryan, all well-behaved and intelligent children, the most beautiful offspring on the plant. She'd dreamed that he would propose at the Eiffel Tower, and then they would honeymoon in Italy. She'd dreamed that everything would be perfect. But it wasn't.

**I'm a killjoy, I agree. R&R! Please include what you'd like to see next!**


	7. The First Fights

**I was bored, so I kept going. Last one was really long so this isn't quite as lengthy. I really hope you enjoy this one- a little less RaiN, a little more Molly/Ryan, just because realistically he can't just forget about her… that would be both out of character and cruel… so I won't go for either. Plus… more Molly/Ryan means more angst for our friend Nat, so I think that's the plan for a little while longer =). Let me know what you'd like to read. Enjoy this for now!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 7

It was a calm morning. Natalia had slept reasonably well once she had quelled her nerves about saying the three fateful words she'd been keeping inside for so long. Ryan had slept like an angel, and Natalia knew that her confession had taken a huge load off of his chest. Truthfully, although her admission should have removed a burden, it instead added the responsibility of keeping their relationship afloat. Mind you, Natalia had always been trying to keep the relationship alive, but now it was even more important. She very rarely uttered those words. Had she said them too soon, it would send Ryan running back to Molly. Had she said them too late, he would have become discouraged and lost all interest in the game of pursuit. Ryan, she knew, was not the kind of guy that left a girl after she gives him her heart, but Natalia had dated kinds like those. It was a balance- a challenge of knowing where the line was, the game of playing hard-to-get. Natalia knew Ryan all too well, and he had been extremely hurt by her decision to play it cool, but in the long run it would help their relationship. On top of this, Natalia had always been afraid to give a man her heart since Nick and the abusive relationship that had scarred her since then. Ryan knew this too and he incredibly willing to wait… unfortunately that willingness only convinced Natalia that it was okay to keep him guessing for a while longer. Natalia admitted this about herself… in no way was she perfect, and those imperfections kept her from living a free life.

What Natalia had yet to disclose was that she had told Calleigh about Molly's pregnancy, and broke down in the smaller woman's arms. Natalia knew that Ryan would never trust her again if Calleigh broke the news to Horatio or anyone on the team, and that scared her to pieces. It was the fear that she had left out of her monologue to Ryan last night; as perfect as Ryan was, one day he would find someone that completed him, not one that tore him back two steps every time he tried to move forward. Natalia hadn't wanted to take that chance- it was an all-too-real fear, and Natalia had anticipated its prominence in their relationship. Whereas she was happy moving at a slow pace, inch-by-inch, he preferred to take things by the horns. It was one of the many differences that tore them apart. The old saying that opposites attract was not applicable here; they were simply incompatible at times. Where Ryan was neat, organized and tidy, Natalia was both physically and emotionally a mess. Where Ryan was compulsive and acted on instinct, Natalia was fearful and reserved, waiting for the right moment. Where Ryan was willing to give his all to every relationship despite the setbacks, Natalia was too damn scared to give her heart. It was just too real for Natalia to take in: Ryan was not hers to keep. He was free and he knew it- she was just not letting him fly, cliché as it sounds. Where Ryan slept peacefully beside her early in the morning, with the birds singing an eager concerto in his ears, Natalia contemplated the rationality of their relationship and how she would manage to tell him the truth. It was the huge difference between the two- Ryan was at peace with himself but angry at the people around him, whereas Natalia resented herself and respected the people in her life for putting up with her. It was something that neither of them would come to terms with. Natalia was afraid to give it her all, and Ryan could remain forever held down by her fears and inhibitions.

As she considered this, Ryan awoke from his dreams and found Natalia sitting up straight as a board, wiping stale tears from the side of her face. He looked concernedly at her, and spoke first. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" He asked groggily, his voice exhausted from the night and stale from morning voice.

"I'm great." She whispered. "I'm just… really, really happy."

Unsure of whether or not to believe her but happy that it might be the case, Ryan grinned stupidly at her and whispered, "Would that happiness have anything to do with me?"

Natalia whispered, "Oh love, it has everything to do with you."

Ryan laughed and pulled the covers off of him. "Time to go to work."

Natalia sighed happily, relieved. "Thank you."

Ryan looked at her, surprised, but did not pursue the subject. Truthfully, Ryan did not believe her when she had told him she loved him. Of course he was pleased that she would say it, but somehow the whole night fell flat. They had gotten serious, but somehow even the love that they had shared was not strong enough to keep the inklings of rejection from creeping into his mind.

When Natalia made it to work, she caught the eye of Molly, who was calmly sorting through rubble from the arson this morning. Natalia realized that sooner or later they'd have to talk about it woman-to-woman, and she chose this moment to grasp the opportunity. Natalia marched into the room and looked at Molly sternly. "We need to talk about this."

"Talk about what, Natalia? I'm really hormonal, I don't need to deal with you."

"Molly, come on. Don't play dumb," Natalia snapped. Molly conceded.

"I'm sorry. I'm just having…issues," Molly apologized and wiped her eyes.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have been so harsh with you."

"I don't think we have much to talk about, to be honest Natalia. Ryan's with you now, there's nothing I can do and frankly nothing I want to do," Molly replied.

"I want to talk about your baby," Natalia answered.

"Natalia, I'll make sure to keep him or her out of your life," Molly snapped. "Are we done now?"

"You're hormonal, so I guess I'll forgive that."

Molly laughed bitterly. Natalia continued. "Look, Molly, that's the thing. I don't want that baby out of my life. It's a part of Ryan's life, and I think I'm a part of his life too. I'm not going to let him abandon you or your child, and I promise I'll be a good… friend to your child. I could be like your kid's aunt or something. I don't want to be the reason you're a single parent."

"But you are," Molly laughed. "And that's okay. I just don't want my child to grow up in an environment where he or she's not wanted."

"He or she is wanted!" Natalia insisted.

"Natalia, I appreciate all you're doing to support me, and frankly I think you're being more willing than even Ryan, so let's just get this straight. I love that you're not being jealous and holding my child against me… but it's not your responsibility. It's Ryan's problem to deal with. I really respect that you think this is your job, but it isn't. If you can convince Ryan to work out his problems, then I'll see where that takes us."

Natalia nodded, defeated. "Okay. I'll try."

"Thank you. It'd be also great if you took care of this evidence."

"Yes ma'am," Natalia laughed. "God, all this burnt stuff. Looks like a barbecue gone wrong."

"OH GOD, DON'T MENTION FOOD!" Molly screamed and ran into the bathroom. _Morning sickness, _Natalia thought to herself and laughed silently. The consequence of being with Ryan is puking your guts out every morning.

That night, while eating a small dinner by the TV, Natalia realized that once again Ryan had forgotten the special, romantic dinner plan that she had requested. "Hey Ry," Natalia began, "are you forgetting something?"

"Don't think so," Ryan mumbled as he watched the movie.

"Well, I thought we were going to do something romantic."

Ryan looked at her, and his eyes softened. "I forgot. I'm sorry."

"That's okay, you can choose when you want to do it." Natalia looked at him closely. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, honey, there's nothing wrong."

"Because if there were, you'd tell me, right?"

"I guess," Ryan laughed. "Why are you asking?"

"Because you forgot our romantic dinner, and you're usually into that kind of stuff. You've said like three words to me for the past four hours since you've been home and you haven't even touched the fresh fudge brownies I made for you. What is going on?"

"I'm just concerned about Molly. She hasn't called once today."

"I talked to her today," Natalia admitted. "She sounded fine, but she did throw up a few times. She seemed happy enough."

"Okay, I'm glad," Ryan replied, and turned back to the movie.

"Ry?" Natalia asked, and suddenly she found the courage to ask what she knew was bugging her all day. "Ry, would you be happier if it was Molly in your arms right now?"

"What?" Ryan asked, surprised by her straightforwardness.

"You heard me, Ry," she whispered.

"Natalia, that's not fair…"

"Ryan, answer the question, no lying allowed."

"I…"

Had Natalia needed to hear his answer, she would have waited before storming out. Instead, Natalia heard the words off of his lips before he spoke them. She didn't give him a chance for explanation because she knew it would only hurt her more. Ryan, shocked, did little to stop her from leaving, and Natalia took this laziness as carelessness. As Natalia slammed the door, she realized the weight of the truth- he loved Molly more than her. It was no longer a question, and Natalia had no doubts on how she would proceed. She would go straight to Calleigh's house and cry in her arms until she fell asleep, with Calleigh humming soft lullabies into her soft brown hair. Natalia would go to work the next day and avoid both Ryan and Molly, even though the latter had done nothing wrong. Ryan would try to talk to her, but she would refuse, saying that there was nothing to be said. Natalia would return to her house after work and cry her eyes dry over a gallon of chocolate chunk ice cream.

But Ryan stopped her before she reached her car. He was wearing a t-shirt and flannel blue pajama pants, but he still ran out in the RaiN, grabbing her in a tight embrace in the pouring weather. As lightning flashed like a claw of white fire and the thunder boomed overhead, the light illuminated their heads as their lips met in a passionate embrace. Natalia had always been afraid to love- she had seen the signs of a falling relationship and attempted to run from it, but she knew it was inevitable. Instead of going to Calleigh's house to cry her eyes out until she fell asleep, avoiding Molly and Ryan, refusing an explanation, and eating a gallon of ice cream, Natalia would stand in the rain for hours, her arms wrapped around Ryan as the sky fell. But she didn't care.

**Awww, happy ending… not for long… R&R**


	8. Target

**Ouch. Only two reviews for Chapter 7… maybe it was because I posted it the same day as Chapter 6, which only got three reviews…ugh. My plan for this story is changing everyday LOL. I think part of the problem is it's following the same formula: wake up in the morning, fight, make up, go to work, go home and fight, make up… it gets old, I know. So, since this is CSI: Miami, I'm thinking of adding a little bit of the case into the plotline. Maybe that will keep you guys interested! Enjoy Chapter 8!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 8

Natalia had spilled her coffee all over her clothes on the way to work. Yes, she knew she shouldn't be drinking anything while driving, but she was rushing that morning after over-sleeping with Ryan and somehow breakfast had eluded her. The cold coffee that had sat in the _Green Mountain _jug was the only thing that would salvage her morning, and it had drenched her blouse and her pants. Great. That was the icing on a fucked up morning, and Natalia had no longer any patience and had become snappy and irritated. When Travers had taken longer than fifteen minutes to process a DNA sample, she had snapped at him and stormed out, leaving the British man dumbstruck and sad. She hadn't gotten around to apologize, and with the way the rest of the day was going, somehow she didn't think she would.

Horatio received a call out to Coral Gables, and Natalia and Calleigh were the first responders. As they arrived on-scene, the dead body in front of them shook Natalia's confidence. A young woman, probably in her mid twenties, was lying on the muddy ground with signs of assault and possible rape. Her arms were bound and her glassy eyes stared to the bleak cloudy sky, duck tape covering her mouth. "Meet Carol Benson," Tom told them, and Calleigh shuddered.

"That is awful," Natalia whispered to her, and her friend nodded.

"Cause of death asphyxiation, and I'll have to get her to the morgue to determine the time of death," Tom informed them, and Natalia spoke.

"She was just left here, choked to death?" Natalia asked, looking around.

"I don't know. It's not her home. The home belongs to a Miss Charlotte Nancy. She says she's never seen Carol Benson, or heard of her. She's the one that called it in."

Calleigh looked around and then back at the victim. "You know, this is really bugging me. I remember that name- was she involved in a case from a while ago?"

Tom looked at her. "Miss Duquesne, I'm new."

Calleigh smiled softly. "Sorry, I think out loud. Nat, let's go process the scene. Maybe we can find something here."

Tom shook his head. "This is a secondary crime scene, Miss."

"How do you know?" Natalia inquired.

"Based on the wounds, my guess is that she was beaten ferociously… she wasn't here originally. There is no blood. Probably something similar to a baseball bat or a pipe; I'll call you when I get her in autopsy and I know more."

"Thanks Tom," Natalia replied, and looked around the scene. Aside from the dead body out on the front lawn, things looked relatively normal, and Natalia could see how Tom guessed that it was a secondary crime scene. Horatio and Frank had just joined them, with Frank leaning over the body and Horatio gazing down at the corpse. Calleigh strolled up to Natalia, closing her flip phone.

"Nat, I just got off the phone with Eric. He says that Carol Benson discovered a body on her lawn a few years ago. The victim was named Sharon Piper. She was killed with the same MO. I don't know, Nat, but this sounds like a pattern. This serial killer kills a woman, drops her dead body off at his next victim's house… like a warning. If that's true…then…"

"We need to warn Charlotte Nancy," Natalia finished. "Where is she?"

"She left a few minutes ago for yoga," Frank spoke as he wandered over. "My guess is, this serial killer knows her pattern. He could be a stalker."

"A stalker," Horatio told them, putting on his sunglasses, "and worse."

"I'll put a call out for the location of Charlotte Nancy," Frank replied.

"Nat, you and I will go back to the lab, see what we can do with these photos."

"Okay."

The day had been grueling at best. Natalia's clothes had dried, but they were stiff with the starch from the coffee. They had no new leads in the past few hours, and exhaustion swept its way across her body. Molly so far had said nothing to her, and Ryan had done his best to keep last night's confrontation out of their small talk in the break room during lunch. Calleigh, Eric, Walter, Frank and Horatio had given them their space while they sat down for their meal, which made it even more awkward. Natalia had not intended to avoid the issue- she was okay with being up front with their problems now, but Ryan had obviously seen her bad mood today and skirted around the setback with aplomb. He clearly wasn't quite in the mood to talk about it either.

Natalia told Ryan that she would not be joining him at his place tonight, and her excuse was her impending exhaustion, but truthfully she just didn't want to have to deal with the nightly arguments. It was okay with him; he knew the real reason, but did a good job in covering up his disappointment. The next day, those worries would be washed away and they could start on a new, clean slate. Natalia returned home and fell asleep slowly, wrapping the blankets around her and crying herself to sleep. She had been crying a lot lately, listening to Kelly Clarkson breakup songs and singing along throughout the melody when her tears had softened. Once the songs ended, she would return into wracking sobs. This wasn't like her; she knew things were going wrong with Ryan, despite their reunion in the rain last night, and she no longer could keep the tears from flowing down her cheeks.

She fell asleep to Kelly Clarkson's high octave belting, and awoke as one of her louder songs began. It was 4:30 in the morning, and no lullaby would will her back into rest. She stood and poured herself some cold coffee, wrapped in a small robe and staring out into the blue night. The rustle of trees outside unnerved her, and she could have sworn she saw a shadowy figure moving outside on her lawn. Fearfully, she grabbed her gun and descended the stairs softly, walking onto the squelching muddy grass. A body lay on the ground. Natalia flicked on her flashlight and saw the dead, glassy eyes of a woman boring into her own. Duck tape covered her mouth and her eyes were cold and dead. Natalia called the police.

"This is CSI Boa Vista. I'm calling to report the discovery of a dead body. It's the same MO as the Carol Benson case. I… request back up immediately. The killer might still be here. The address is 420 Jonson Road… please hurry."

Natalia rushed back inside, looking back fearfully, afraid of every rustle in the trees. It was a mere twenty minutes when the police arrived. At about five in the morning, Tom got to the scene and confirmed that she was choked to death. Natalia wrapped herself in a blanket and shuddered. "Is it Charlotte Nancy, the woman that called in the last murder?"

Tom looked at her sadly and nodded. "We need to get you police protection."

"Tom, I'll be fine," Natalia insisted, gesturing to the gun in her hand.

"It's not your decision to make anymore, Miss Boa Vista," Horatio spoke, emerging out of nowhere to glance at the dead body at his feet. "This is now concerning the team."

"What if I stayed with someone on the team?"

"Miss Duquesne has offered, but I think that's a conflict of interest. We need our team off of this case, as it could influence our decisions."

"I'll stay with Ryan then." Natalia stated strongly. Horatio raised an eyebrow. "I stay with him usually anyway, it won't be much of a change," Natalia insisted, and Horatio looked at the muddy ground reluctantly.

"Now that," Horatio began, "is your decision. Be careful."

In the matter of a few hours, Natalia had explained the entire situation to Ryan and had moved into his condo. Her clothes had been moved into his closet, her shoes piled up at his front door, and her keys and computer tossed nonchalantly on his couch. Ryan had contained himself, his OCD begging him to clean her mess. Natalia had mentioned this to him, but Ryan had smiled sweetly and told her that he had his compulsions under control.

"Make yourself at home," Ryan offered, extending an arm to gesture towards the TV.

"Thank you," Natalia laughed.

"Do you want to talk about this?" Ryan asked sadly.

"No," she snapped, wiping her eyes. "I'll be fine."

"I'm ordered off duty for the next week. More time for 'us' I guess!"

"Ry," Natalia whispered, "I'm not in the mood for sex right now."

Ryan looked at her, shocked. "Who said anything about…"?

"Look, would you just leave me alone?" Natalia spat. "There's a fucking serial killer who's after me and you just want to think about having sex! I'm not a toy!" She yelled, and stood to walk into the master bedroom.

"Talia, I don't care about _sex, _I just want to be with you."

"GOD, RYAN STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU!"

His expression softened at her words and he grabbed her into a hug, a loving embrace. She melted in his arms, as tears soaked through his T-shirt. "I'm just really, really scared."

"I know, honey, I know," Ryan whispered softly. "I'm here for you."

"Do you think," Natalia paused to wipe her eyes and pull out of his embrace, "that you'll be able to protect me if he comes?"

"Talia, I'll do everything I can."

"Okay," Natalia mumbled and sat back down on the couch. "Let's watch a comedy," she laughed. "God knows we could use some happiness around here."

The added weight of the truth of her words stung him in the heart. Natalia had always been strong, but something like this would tear her to the ground with no mercy. Ryan sat down next to her and wrapped her in his arms. While he knew that this serial killer was inhuman and emotionless, cunning but insane, Ryan somehow felt capable of defending Natalia. As she snored softly in his arms, the fear radiating off of her, Ryan stared out into the blackness of the night. Every time a tree rustled in the soft breeze, he would jump out of fear. Her beautiful brown hair was splayed across his chest, and he could tell she was having nightmares. He had had them before- when he was kidnapped, for months afterward he lived the torture over and over again every night. Natalia, he knew, felt helpless. It was perhaps her mind that related this incident to Nick- the evil just outside the door that she had no power over. Her soft snoring had become erratic over the course of the night, and something told him that this would not be the soundest night sleep for either of them. He never left her side.

As morning dawned, Ryan awoke, and the emptiness he felt shocked him. Natalia was no longer in his arms, but he heard her heels against the wooden floor and the smell of bacon wafting from the kitchen. Just in case, he called out to her. "Hey, Talia?"

"Yeah," came the strangled reply.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked, bouncing off of the couch.

"Yes, just a lot of onions in your omelet," Natalia laughed.

"Oh, thank god," Ryan whispered to himself. "Don't scare me like that again," he shouted back.

"I'm just making breakfast, sweetheart," Natalia giggled and emerged in the hallway, a small smile on her caramel face, wearing a sundress that draped over her curves and sloped down at the neckline. "You want tomatoes, onions, and peppers?"

"Honey, you don't have to make me breakfast," Ryan begged. "Just sleep."

"I slept enough. By the way, any new leads on the case?"

Ryan looked at her uncomfortably. "You know I know as much as you do."

"Okay, I was just asking." Natalia asked, disappointed.

Ryan desperately needed a subject change. "How was your sleep?" he asked. _Stupid question, _he thought.

"It was fine. Not very comfortable, but I slept well. Can't find my earring. You?"

"Good." He mumbled, and stood. He was partially naked, with just a pair of sweat pants draping over his legs, barely covering his arousal. Natalia smiled.

"Get dressed and maybe you'll get lucky," she whispered, and walked to the kitchen.

"Natalia, that's not fair," he whined.

"All's fair in love and war, my dear," came her reply.

Ryan took a warm shower, got dressed, and strode into the kitchen. Natalia was no longer there, only an omelet sitting on a plate with a glass of orange juice. A note was scribbled on the piece of paper on his plate.

_Gone to get the mail. DON'T WORRY!_

He heard what he presumed were her footsteps at the front door as he ate his omelet happily. Natalia seemed content too, and though there was a heavy burden hanging over their heads, it barely showed.

"Mail's here," came a voice, only it was a male. "I'll need you to sign for this package, sir."

Ryan looked up, confused. The deliveryman stood, holding out the package. "Sir?"

"Have you seen my girlfriend?" Ryan asked, concernedly.

"No, I haven't sir. I have another house to hit on this block, do you mind signing this package quickly, sir?" he asked rudely.

"Sure, I'll sign it." Ryan took the pen and scribbled his last name. "What's in it?"

"I'm not sure. Some guy dropped it off, said it was for a Mr. Wolfe."

"Thank you," Ryan took it. It was a small package, about the size of a picture frame. He jiggled it. A small object bounced around inside. As the deliveryman left, Ryan tore open the cardboard. Inside was a small earring, and Ryan recognized it as Natalia's.

"Hey honey?" Natalia asked as she walked in the room.

"Natalia, where the fuck did you go?" He demanded, holding her tight.

"The bathroom…" Natalia answered, surprised. "You found my earring! Why's it in a box?" Natalia asked slowly, looking down.

"I put it there," Ryan lied. "To surprise you," he replied quietly.

"Oh. Great!" Natalia took the earring. "What does the note say?"

"I…why don't you eat breakfast, I'll be back in a second."

Ryan rummaged through his drawers to grab a pair of latex gloves and slowly opened the note. Typed in large font on a piece of paper laid the words that Natalia had spoken just this morning. _**All's fair in love and war.**_

_ He's watching us. _

**What do you think? I tried hard to make the plot unique and unfortunately I think it came out dangerously similar to "Stupid Cupid" by the fantastic Gooniegirl3333… I apologize, because there are similar themes, but I think it's a little different and hopefully close in quality. I'll call the amazing story: "Stupid Cupid" my inspiration, but it is different. R&R!**


	9. A New Home

**Hello! Reviews are getting SO MUCH BETTER! Thank you so much… but you're not off the hook LOL… I'd love to hear even more. Thank you so, so, so, so, SO much! Enjoy this little chapter I just whipped up. Possibly rated M… not so sure…**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 9

Ryan had called Horatio immediately after the delivery, and Horatio had answered anxiously. "Mr. Wolfe, is everything okay?"

"Not really," Ryan gulped, stalling before he let the words roll off his tongue.

"Mr. Wolfe, what is going on?" Horatio demanded sternly.

"He's watching us, H; he heard our conversation and he's outside our house."

"Mr. Wolfe, DO NOT LET HER OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. I'll be there soon."

Ryan hung up his cell phone. Natalia wandered in the room with a steaming mug of coffee, yawning and wiping her eyes free of the morning exhaustion. Ryan sat down on his bed, covering his face with his dusty hands. The latex gloves were tossed in the trashcan by his bedside, and a stagnant air floated through the window. A pale blue breeze sifted through the periwinkle curtains, and Natalia felt the wind as it calmly stroked her brown hair. "Everything alright?" Natalia asked, noticing his nervous fidgeting and his angry air.

"Yeah, everything's fine, love," Ryan replied softly, pulling her into his arms.

"Everything doesn't look fine," Natalia argued, nodding in the direction of the trashcan. "Does this have to do with me getting the mail this morning? I apologized already…"

"Talia, it's not anything you need to worry about."

Natalia searched for the truth in his green eyes, but found nothing but feigned honesty. She furrowed her brow suspiciously, but could think of no viable reason for Ryan to be acting strangely. "Alright. Let me know if you need to talk."

"I love you," Ryan blurted, his forest green eyes swimming. "I really do."

Natalia scrunched her eyebrows again. "What's up with you? You look like you're about to cry."

"Talia…I…"

"MR. WOLFE!" Horatio's voice sounded, and in a heartbeat the bedroom door was kicked open and the fire-headed lieutenant stormed into the room, gun at the ready. "CLEAR!" He shouted to the officers that were hot on his tail.

"What's going on?" Natalia asked, shocked.

"Natalia, we need to get going," Ryan told her, grabbing her hand to lead her out of the room.

"Mr. Wolfe, she deserves to know," Horatio corrected sternly.

"Know what?" Natalia breathed helplessly. "Ry, what's going on?"

"Talia, I promise I will explain later," Ryan spoke more to Horatio, who shook his head in disappointment. "I promise I will, we just need to move right now. Where are we going, H?"

"A very kind lab technician offered to house you for the next few days," Horatio informed him. "Pack your things quickly and we'll get going as soon as possible."

Natalia looked at Ryan in confusion. "Ry?"

"Talia, I love you, but I don't have time right now. Let's start packing and I PROMISE I will explain later. Deal?"

"Love you too," she mumbled as she searched around for her suitcase.

In a matter of minutes they had finished their packing and were in the back of Horatio's Hummer. Natalia shivered against Ryan's chest in the brisk winter Miami air. "Are you going to tell me why we're doing this?"

"Sweetheart…" he began, but Horatio had pulled in front of the condo.

"This is the place," he announced. "I trust Miss Sloan will help you settle in."

"WAIT!" Natalia snapped, glaring at Ryan accusingly. "We're staying with _Molly?"_

"Miss Boa Vista, it's difficult to make arrangements this soon. I promise you will be back comfortably in your own home as soon as we find the man that is threatening your life."

"No. I refuse. Let me stay with Calleigh," she begged.

Horatio looked at her angrily. "If you are going to refuse this poor woman that has put her life on the line to house you, then I don't see any reason for you to continue having protection. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," she muttered under her breath.

"Mr. Wolfe, take care of her," Horatio demanded, and they scrambled out of his car as it sped down the road and out of sight.

"Ryan…" Natalia began, turning to him.

"I didn't know it was her, if that's what you're asking."

"Fine. Let's go," she snapped and knocked angrily on the door.

Molly opened it carefully and motioned for Ryan and Natalia to enter. "I don't want to give him enough time to see you or to catch up with us," Molly explained. "Go ahead and put your bags in the front hall, and I'll fix you something to eat," she offered, and clacked down the hall towards her small kitchen.

Molly wasn't quite sure what had convinced her to offer her home to them. While on one hand, it would certainly give Ryan fewer opportunities to avoid her doctor's appointments; it would also potentially be the most awkward few days of her life. It wasn't a dark scheme to break Natalia and Ryan up- possessive as she was, Molly was not ethically wrong. In truth, Molly had been interested in Ryan because he was in her league, and he seemed to be attracted to her. When things with Natalia went sour, Ryan had made his decision, albeit a poor one in her mind, and Molly had no desire to pursue those things further. There was definitely tension between herself and Natalia, but it didn't bother Molly because she knew where Ryan's lines were laid. He was no longer hers to have, and Molly was okay with that. Calleigh had certainly treated her with hostility, but Molly had just seen it as protectiveness over Natalia. Molly had not realized what she had been stepping in, nor the fact that the closeness of the team would break her and Ryan to the core until there was nothing left except for their child. The pregnancy had been manageable- the only thing that scared her was Ryan's unwillingness to participate. Molly had always wanted a family, but now she was fitting into the "broken home" category, and she was not happy.

The day passed slowly, with Natalia and Ryan watching TV for hours until Natalia had bidden him goodnight and descended into her bedroom. Had Ryan been overprotective, he would have followed her to bed and remained with her, but his thoughts kept drifting to Molly and how irresistible she would look when the baby bump started showing. Ryan had done his best to keep his mind off of his ex-girlfriend, but living in her house certainly did not help. Natalia had noticed the distraction, and angrily called him out on it when he started staring at her while Molly bended over. Molly had simply smiled and continued about her business, all the while pleased that at least he was attracted to her. Maybe someday, then, Molly would be able to tell her child that Daddy loved her at some point.

Ryan watched the TV silently, his eyes darting over the screen, taking in the reflection as they bounced off of his pupils. Molly sat down next to him, dangerously close, and began to drink her coffee. "Are you okay with this?" Ryan asked, turning to her.

"I offered," Molly pointed out. "It was my choice."

"Why did you do it?" Ryan inquired curiously.

"Because I know how much this is affecting you, and I wanted to help."

"That's bullshit and you know it," Ryan argued.

"Look, Ryan, if I wanted you I would have you," Molly giggled and he laughed.

"What makes you so sure?" He demanded slyly, and Molly turned to him.

"Oh, I don't know. Just a…_lucky…_guess," she whispered, trailing her hands up his thighs and gently stroking his groin. Ryan moaned softly, and Molly planted a soft kiss against his lips. The kiss heated up, and Ryan began to snake his hands up under her shirt, mumbling meaningless words as his mouth found her breasts. Molly pulled away, turning jiggle her behind in his face, and then sat back down on the couch, satisfied.

"That wasn't fair," Ryan whined.

"Ryan, you are a dirty boy," she whispered, flicking his arousal. Ryan winced.

"Molly…I can't do this."

"But you want to," Molly insisted.

"No… I'm in love with Natalia, not you."

"FINE!" Molly snapped, and turned back to the TV. Ryan sighed.

"Why are you really doing this, Molly?"

Molly turned to him, and her green eyes softened. "Look, Ryan, I don't want you to cheat on Natalia. I don't want you to break up with her, and I don't want you to come running back to me. I've accepted that you're gone, and I respect your decision. But did you, just once, think you were in love with me?"

Ryan's eyes melted under her sad gaze. "Molly, it wasn't that long…"

"Look, Ryan, I get it, okay? But… having this baby without you makes me wonder about what he or she will miss out on. What will it get instead of a goodnight kiss from its father? How will it know to be strong if all it has is someone like me? How will it learn to love if it knows it's the result of something that was doomed to fail in the first place? How will it hear about love relationships if it knows that the reason it's alive is because its parents had sex, not made love?"

"Molly, you can't say it like that. I… liked you a lot!" he insisted.

"Here's all I really want to know Ryan, and then you can just leave. You can just pack your bags and get killed by a serial killer for all I care. If you had stayed with me longer, would you have fallen in love with me?"

The words stung Ryan. How could he say 'no' to this heaving sob of a woman with no self-confidence? "I think so," he replied truthfully. "It's not really long enough for me to have a really good answer."

"That's what I'll tell little Ryan Jr. I'll tell him that love takes time."

"That's good," Ryan agreed, and turned back to the TV.

There was a soft knock on the door. Ryan jumped up to get it, happy to escape the awkward moment between Molly and him. He opened the door, to be met with a small package. Fearful of what lay inside, he locked the door and ran back into the living room.

"Molly, it's addressed to you."

She opened it cautiously and then rolled her eyes. "Ryan, it's just a coffee machine. Don't freak out."

"I'm sorry, I'm just on edge."

"It's fine. You should go to bed, check on Natalia," Molly suggested and rummaged through the drawer to find a pair of scissors.

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Ry," she whispered.

He slipped into bed, wrapping the covers around himself and then placing a heavy arm on top of Natalia. "Ryan?" she asked, rolling over to meet his eyes.

"Hey beautiful," he whispered, kissing her nose.

"Did you mean what you said?" Natalia asked.

"Said what?" he asked absent-mindedly, stroking her face softly.

"That you would have loved Molly had you stayed with her longer?"

"I was just trying to be nice." Ryan looked at her concernedly.

"That's not a good answer," Natalia told him.

"I don't really know. You never really know. It's a shot in the dark."

"Okay," she whispered. "Then why were you kissing?"

"What?"

"I heard it, Ryan, I'm not dumb."

"That was the movie. The Titanic, I think," Ryan lied.

"Fine," Natalia snapped, and rolled back over. "Good night."

"I love you," Ryan tried, but was met with an angry snore.

_Fine, play it that way, _Ryan thought. _Play hard to get again._

Guilt overcame him. She knew, and he was still lying to her. The trees rustled innocently, but Ryan jumped anxiously anyways. He urged Natalia to switch sides with him, so she wouldn't be closer to the door. A strange fear washed over her as she heard his words. She suddenly didn't feel so safe as she thought about it. The best protection Ryan could offer was sleeping on the other side of her? But Ryan sat up in bed all night, watching her snoring form as she thrashed and rolled in her sleep, the nightmares consuming her every thought. After all, the trees' rustling wasn't all that innocent anyway.

**Yikes, Ryan IS a bad, bad boy. I don't think he ever intends to hurt anyone, though. We'll be wrapping up this serial killer plotline within the next four chapters, but there's something that goes down during that time that will affect the rest of the story, which presumably will be about 40 chapters or more. Any guesses? R&R!**


	10. First Mistake

**Sorry about not updating yesterday, I was swamped with schoolwork. Since my updating won't be quite as consistent, I urge you all to read "Desperate Measures" by Sevv…really great author, awesome story, and I assume that most of you are RaiN fans anyway, so please indulge in that story because it's one of my favorites on the archive. In the mean time, enjoy short Chapter 10! **

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 10

It had all started with one handful of flour thrown. Ryan had slept mildly well, Natalia encased in his arms, her monotonous snoring drilling in his ears like the blunt roar of a foghorn. He began to wonder how Delko had managed to sleep with her. Calleigh, Ryan was sure, would make no such barbaric noise…but that's what made Natalia in some strange way the most beautiful person he'd ever met. She had woken up several times during the night, defiantly moving out of his arms, until she had fallen back asleep again and he had reclaimed her in his embrace. It was by no means a pleasant sleep, with her snoring and the suspicious rustling outside, but he had at least felt confident that for tonight, Natalia was safe. Molly had not pursued their interaction last night much farther when Ryan woke up, instead avoiding his gaze and starting to make pancakes for the three of them.

"How was your sleep?" Ryan asked awkwardly as she bashed open an egg.

"Fine. Yours?" Molly inquired, stirring the batter.

"I've had better," he admitted. There was a long pause, during which both of them could hear Natalia's bellowing snores.

"You want chocolate chip pancakes or blueberry?"

"Whichever one is easier," Ryan offered diplomatically.

"How unhelpful," Molly laughed and stirred a little less viciously.

"You wanna say that again?" Ryan joked playfully.

"Try me." Molly teased.

Ryan grabbed a handful of powdery flour and tossed it at Molly. "YOU DICK!" she screamed, laughing. Molly picked up an egg and threw it straight at his face. The yolk splattered right on the bridge of his nose, and Ryan burst into a fit of giggles. Within a heartbeat, they were both covered in flour and drenched in egg yolk, water and milk dripping down their arms and hands as their war raged. Eventually, Ryan broke the barrier and began to tickle Molly, who let out a violent cackle. Ryan and Molly's mouths met in a climactic finish, and they searched each other's mouths with fervor. Had Ryan not been laughing so hard, he would have heard Natalia's snoring that had stopped and the clacking of her heels as she joined them in the kitchen.

"Is that a new way of making pancakes?" Natalia snapped angrily.

Molly and Ryan jumped apart instantly, their faces reddening instantly with a creeping blush. "Natalia… it's wasn't… I didn't…"

"Save it Ryan. I'm out of here," Natalia spat.

"No, Talia, please, just let me explain," Ryan begged as she pulled on her sweater and grabbed her purse, walking down the hallway towards the door. Molly stood helplessly and guiltily in the kitchen, watching them.

"What's your excuse this time, you bastard?" Natalia screamed, turning to face him. "You know what Ryan? You've had your fair share of second chances. Hell, I think this is your fifth, if I remember correctly. Here's my lesson for you, Ryan. It's sure as hell not a good idea to make out with your ex-girlfriend in front of YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

"Natalia, I didn't mean to, it was just…"

"It was just what, Ryan? The second time that we have been here that _Little Ryan _can't control himself? What the FUCK is wrong with you?"

"Natalia, please, I love you…"

"You know what? I don't love you, and I never will. Never again." Natalia slammed the door and stormed out of the house, nearly in tears, the purse slung haphazardly over her shoulder as she ran down the street, searching for shelter. She had forgotten completely about the man that was after her, and so had Ryan… and that was their first mistake.

"You got anything on the prints I asked for?" Eric marched into the lab.

"Honestly? We aren't getting _anywhere_," Calleigh replied, flipping through a magazine as the fingerprints ran through the database. "Those fingerprints we found incased in the duct tape probably were transferred."

"Transferred from where?" Eric snapped, and Calleigh looked at him angrily.

"Look, Eric, I'm just as concerned about Nat as you are, if not more."

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm just exhausted."

Calleigh stood and smiled sweetly. "You watch the fingerprints, I'll go to the morgue and see if Tom found anything. Please take a break when you need one."

"Will do, love," Eric replied, as he watched the computer scan through thousands of names.

"You got anything for me, Tom?" Calleigh asked as she marched into the morgue.

"Just an autopsy report. If you don't mind, indulge me."

"Fire away," Calleigh smiled, and Tom began.

"Our victim here, Charlotte Nancy, was also choked to death. Asphyxiation. My guess is, someone clogged up her throat, presumably with some sort of cloth, but I found no trace. I'll send it to DNA if I find anything."

"What about her external wounds?" Calleigh inquired.

"Nothing as of yet. I made a few molds for Walter and I sent them up. He suspects it was from a pipe. I'll have to look into that more as well."

"Tom, what's on her right molars?"

Tom leaned in with a dental utensil and began to scrape the substance off of the victim's teeth. "Looks like a piece of skin."

"DNA," Calleigh breathed.

"But, if you don't mind my saying, she was covered in duct tape."

"I think…" Calleigh began awkwardly, "I think he took off the duct tape to…amuse himself," she whispered.

"That's why nothing came up on our rape analysis," Tom replied.

"It seems oddly out of character though," Calleigh began.

"Profiling? Isn't that a little speculative?"

"But it works, when you think about serial killers. This serial killer is meticulous, never a hair out of place. The duct tape had no usable prints, the locations are difficult to decipher, and if you really think about it, his choice of victim is relatively forced. Warning the woman who he's about to kill is almost remorseful- he's giving them a chance. Some people might consider it as just needing to feel power, but warning them seems almost too nice for a sadist. He chooses victims that are beautiful and young, like popular culture dictates, but he's uncomfortable with killing them, which is why he lets them know. I'll get back to you Tom, I just have to… check on something."

Calleigh walked uncomfortably out of the morgue. Something about the entire case seemed out of place. She dialed Eric's number. "Hey babe, anything?"

"Calleigh, this guy is good, the bastard," Eric sighed.

"There's something that doesn't quite add up. I have some DNA Maxine will run for me. Meet me outside the lab in about ten minutes; we're going to take a ride back to the crime scene. I have a funny feeling we missed something," Calleigh informed him. "Bye." What had been bothering Calleigh was simple. If this serial killer was warning Natalia, what did that mean for Natalia's chances?

Natalia's eyes struggled open, the heat of the darkness incasing her. She tried to scream, but the only noise that came out was a wretched sob dimmed by gleaming silver duct tape. Her ears were burning from a blow to the head, and the noise that echoed in her mind was that of Ryan and Molly's blissful giggling. _Remembering something that happened prior to accident…consistent with blunt force trauma, _Natalia thought. _Eyes burning, inability to see…possibly eye drops, _she considered.

"You've been asleep for a long time, my dear," came the drawling voice.

Natalia tried to scream once more, but the words simply didn't escape.

"It's too late for that," he whispered, and the duct tape was pulled off of her mouth. _No, no, no! _Natalia thought as she heard the faint metallic crunch of a zipper being pulled and then she blacked out.

**Oh god, Ryan, what did you do? Here's to hoping Natalia's okay in the end! R&R!**


	11. Fruitless Search

**Geez, I completely forgot about this story. I must have been somewhere else for the past few days. Anyway, please enjoy this little chapter. I'm going to take this opportunity to rant. I'm SO mad that Molly is going out in the field. She's trying to replace Calleigh (who seriously just scraped dirt out of a dead guys hair and then was gone for the rest of the episode) while also RUINING RaiN. Ever since "SIM", I was sure that was the direction TPTB were going in. He was caring, he brought her home, and even Eva La Rue said in an interview that she believes Natalia will fall for Ryan because he stuck with her throughout her hearing loss. But now they're making Molly the star of the show. I think Calleigh/Natalia had 2 minutes of screen time collectively. You can't just bring a lab tech with no proper training out into the field and have her parade around like a bimbo. I feel bad for the very talented actress who clearly deserves a less horrible character. CBS, you disappoint me. Woops… sorry about that… anyway, enjoy, and R&R!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 11

They had searched for two days. Every seedy bar, broken down warehouse, resort basement, restaurant kitchen and beach side was scoured and wiped clean of the grime that clung to it. Natalia had not shown up for work for two days, and with a heavy heart Horatio announced her as missing and presumably deceased. Calleigh had attempted to comfort Ryan, rubbing his back as he sobbed into his hands in the break room, but found she was blaming him subconsciously and berated herself for hating him. Horatio did not relent in his search, hopeless as the situation seemed. The image of his team-member's strangled form lying amongst the tall grass on the lawn of their next victim flashed through his mind. Many sleepless nights greeted the lieutenant, and his age eventually caught up to him. For the second time in a period of one month, Horatio requested a break, and the concerned board agreed that whatever time was needed to get the older police officer back on his feet was well-deserved and helpful. Ryan noticed the shift in the lab almost instantly. Without the sunny voice of Natalia, nor the strong righteousness of Horatio, their team was granted little hope, efficient as Calleigh was. What hurt the team most was the anger. Both Ryan and Calleigh had become testy and irritated- the latter out of genuine concern, the former out of guilt. While the lab agreed that it was no longer Ryan's fault that Natalia had been snatched, a strange air of mistrust laced the lab surrounding Ryan's transgressions. Molly had recently displayed her pregnancy, not only due to her baby bump, but also her frequent trips to the bathroom and her cravings during work. Calleigh had been considerate enough, despite the two's run-ins, and had allowed Molly to take the mornings off and show up at about noon. Morning sickness, Ryan learned as he stayed at her house, was what a liar called it. Molly was vomiting day and night, after eating and before. Ryan had left Molly's house the day after Natalia had stormed out angrily, and had been living at his condo for a few days now. He knew that helping Molly out with the impending birth would probably be the best way to get his mind off of Natalia, but truthfully he just didn't have the patience for her mood swings and cravings. He came by every day to help her out with some household projects and would make her lunch when she was well enough to take down food, but every day he would also rush into the lab, running through reports on serial killers in hope that one of them would fit the MO of Natalia's kidnapping. None showed up, and Ryan was left in the lab nearly in tears every afternoon while Calleigh rubbed his back and soothed him with comforting words.

Ryan had returned home one day to find a letter on his coffee table. He peeled open the envelope and stared inside, immediately knowing that he should get this to QD.

_**I have her, but I will not kill her. She is of use. All's fair in love and war. Always.**_

It was not signed, and Ryan was immediately suspicious of the rather large cursive handwriting. The last time, the letter had been typed, presented discreetly, rather than placed on his couch. _He's getting more daring, _Ryan thought. _He's been inside my house and touched my things… touched Natalia…_ Ryan's thoughts rambled and he slapped himself mentally. _Don't think about that, _Ryan berated himself.

Calleigh had reacted well to the news. Instead of letting concern for her friend get in the way, she calmly took the letter, told Ryan to wait in the break room, and sent it straight to Cynthia, who gave an immediate report to Walter, who had been walking by the lab at the time. He grabbed the file and handed it to Calleigh, who was waiting nervously in her office, clicking her pen and chewing nervously on her nails. Calleigh looked quickly over the reports. There was a knock at the door, and Calleigh motioned for Cynthia to enter.

"Miss Duquesne?" Cynthia asked shyly, unsure of her.

"Please, call me Calleigh," Calleigh grinned, and the young tech blushed.

"I wasn't sure, you are getting up in the ranks."

"Much as I'd love to catch up, Cynthia, we'll have to save that until after work. What do you have for me?"

Cynthia turned a deeper shade of crimson, but continued. "You'll notice the slight slant towards the left. That implies that this letter was written by the lefty. That's true for about 86% of the time, and we really can't afford to get nitpicky, if you don't mind my saying."

"Keep going," Calleigh answered, curious.

"Well, recovering documents isn't the easiest thing, and this guy is good. I sent it to Mr. Delko for fingerprints, and he said it came up completely clean. If I were you, I would plan on checking out that small watermark. It's created during the processing of the paper. Generally, the watermark may indicate the company that purchases this paper, or the manufacturer. I'd look into that if I were you. And lastly, there is a cluster of latex trace that Molly analyzed for me on the left corner, which again lends itself to the fact that this man must be a lefty. Just a few observations."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

"You're welcome… Calleigh?"

"There you go," Calleigh smiled genuinely, and the young technician hurried awkwardly out of her office. Calleigh put her head in her hands, rubbing her tired eyes with her soft powdered white hands.

"Hey, babe, I got those…"

Eric stopped in the doorway and saw her disheveled appearance. Calleigh looked up, red streaks across her eyes from the overflow of her sinuses. She had been crying. "Okay," she spoke, a congested rasp echoing in her chest cavity. "Why don't you just set those down by the heater and I'll have a look when I get the chance."

"Calleigh, honey, you're taking on too much," Eric reprimanded, and she shook her head angrily.

"No, Eric, I want to find her! I want to find my fucking girl and you can't stop me," Calleigh snapped and stood. She wiped her eyes again and turned to her boyfriend. "I'm sorry, Eric, but I don't have time for sympathy." Calleigh walked towards the door, but grabbed the handle before she left the room. "I love you," she whispered, and Eric chuckled. He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back against his chest and kissing her softly on the top of her blonde head.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered.

Xxx

_"This is not a negotiation. Each time you refuse, we take something away." No, no, no, NO, NO! _Ryan awoke, drenched in sweat, smashing his head against his headboard in anger. Calleigh had ordered that he stay at Molly's for a while longer, because she believed Ryan's house was no longer safe, due to the fact that the serial killer was aware of Ryan's position and had a way into his house.

"Ryan?" came the soft reply from the other room, followed by a light flicked on and Molly's shadow moving slowly across the living room, like a dancing darkness.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing his forehead. Molly appeared in the doorway, in a maroon robe and slippers. Her green eyes flashed with concern.

"What happened?" She asked, sitting on the edge of his bed. She knew this broke all boundaries, but at that point she didn't really care. Molly knew he was just as afraid as she was.

"Just banged my head. Nightmare, is all," Ryan, responded, massaging his eyes.

"Okay. Well, you scared me. Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. You wouldn't really understand. Not your fault."

"Okay. Let me know if I can do anything," Molly offered and stood to leave.

"I don't think I should stay here," Ryan blurted, and she turned, surprised.

"Why not, Ry?" she asked, and Ryan winced at the nickname. _That's what Natalia calls me. _

"I'm putting your life on the line for no reason. I can take care of myself. And no offense, Molly, but if a serial killer somehow got in your condo, I doubt you'd do much to stop him."

Molly shuddered at the thought, and Ryan could tell this visibly upset her. "Ryan, stop that. You're scaring me."

Ryan instantly noticed his mistake. "Oh, Molly, I'm sorry, you'd know I'd protect you and our baby."

The words tasted like vinegar on his tongue. He'd said _our._ As grammatically and contextually correct as it was, it stung even him. He could tell that Molly didn't really catch the sudden exclamation, as she was too emotionally shaken, but it meant a lot to him. Ryan hadn't thought that he'd consider the baby as _theirs. _He'd known that at some point, when the child was older, it would fully understand the situation its parents had been in, but Ryan didn't think that he'd ever come that close to admitting that despite his love for Natalia, Ryan found himself falling slowly in love with Molly. As pure and beautiful as it was, it was killing him.

Xxx

"Good morning, beautiful," came the drawling voice. Natalia's eyes struggled open. She was met with absolute darkness.

"Morning?" she whispered, her voice creaking with tiredness.

"A good one," came the reply. Natalia could only see the figure moving in the blackness. She could still taste his life on her lips and it burned to the touch. She was disgusted, and felt abused, dirty, and broken. Natalia suddenly had the urge to vomit. "I'm going to throw up," she stated calmly but firmly, "and you need to get a bucket."

"Just do it on the floor, bitch!" he snapped.

Natalia hurled on the ground, her lips sour and her taste buds inflamed in disgust. "What do you want from me!" she screamed, and his drawling laughs echoed.

"You'll see," he replied. "I'm thinking of a new victim. How about Ryan Wolfe? Not quite my normal victim, maybe it will lead your little friends off on a chase?"

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!" Natalia screamed.

"Protective, eh? How would you like to know that he's living with another woman?"

Natalia stopped whimpering in sudden anger, but composed herself with reason. "It's precautionary. I was living there too- you must remember."

"You're protective. I like that in a woman."

Natalia heard the same crunching zipper. "GET OFF OF ME!" she screamed as he bared himself to her, and the rest she forgot as her mind blanked, the only sound his moans of pleasure and her screams of disgust. It was not a good morning.

**Oh god, they're not any closer to finding her, are they? Don't worry; we'll finish this one up soon. Expect this guy to be behind bars in around Chapter 15… but how well off will everyone be? Haha… Reviews, please! **


	12. In Love and War

**I'm back (again XD). This may sound a little repetitive, but PLEASE read "Desperate Measures" by Sevv... it's lacking in the reviews it CLEARLY deserves, after all of the effort that wonderful author put into it. Anyway, back to my story, I'll be finishing up this plot (but not the whole story) within the next two chapters, and then find a way to continue for at least 10 more chapters afterward. Math is not my strong suit, but that means about at least 12 chapters left… if not, then maybe more! R&R!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 12

He wasn't really sure how they had gotten to where they were right now. Ryan saw the straw blonde hair draped over the pillow next to him and groaned with guilt, while also drinking in the sweet sight of her placid beautiful face in rest. The pounding headache that swirled above his eyes dictated that there must have been at least a little alcohol involved. Ryan knew that were he to stand up, he would be able to determine how many beers, but truthfully he just didn't want to deal with the guilt. Knowing that he was inebriated added a slight sensation of relief, seeing as his judgment was impaired when he leaped into bed with Molly while he was still with Natalia, wherever she may be. What killed him most was Natalia was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. So why was he sleeping with Molly?

"I know what you're wondering," came the whisper. Ryan turned to face bright green eyes. Suddenly self-conscious, Ryan noticed that he was completely naked save for the comforter draped over his groin. "Just so you know, nothing happened."

"Good," Ryan replied. It was more of a question than a statement. He guiltily realized he wanted her to want him.

"You were completely drunk so I just came in here to sober you up, and you asked me to sleep here. I stopped it from going any further."

"Thanks," Ryan gushed. "I mean, for stopping it."

"Don't mention it."

There was an awkward silence. Ryan glanced once or twice at Molly, and then down at his bare legs and exposed chest. Molly stood up, her robe draping down her curves as she made her way to the bathroom. "I'll make breakfast," she offered uncomfortably.

"Thanks," Ryan mumbled, his monosyllabic answers tumbling uselessly off of his lips.

"Ry, someone called last night. It's on the answering machine."

_Ry_, Ryan thought, _is what Natalia calls me. _Grunting, he pulled on a pair of jeans and pressing on the recording button to hear the voice on the other end.

_"Hey Ryan, it's Calleigh. We analyzed that letter more carefully, and discovered granite trace on the outer edges. I know today is your day off, but I thought you'd like to know. It's a specific magnum level of granite, originating from deeper down in the earth. In this quantity, it has to be from one of Miami's old mines. Eric and Walter are going out to check it tomorrow at about 8:00 in the morning. Call them if you want to join them. Love you!" _

The message cut off. Ryan glanced quickly at the time, realizing that it was nearly eight o'clock. "Molly, I'm going out in the field," he called, and heard "okay" as a quick response. The shower continued to run, and Ryan assumed she'd be all right without him. He jumped into his hummer, throwing on a T-shirt as he turned the key and placing his gun haphazardly on the passenger seat. "Okay, Miami mines," Ryan thought to him as he peeled out of Molly's driveway and stormed down the freeway, intent on saving Natalia.

Xxx

What Calleigh had failed to recognize was that there were at least two hundred separately labeled mines in the immediate Miami area, spreading through south Florida like a network of spider webs. While few of them were still in constant use, all of them would be sufficient hiding places for a body, alive or dead. "Hey, Maxine, you got anything for me about where that trace was from?"

Valera turned to see Calleigh striding confidently into the lab. "Nothing. ABSOLUTELY nothing. This granite is really common. I can't help you that much."

"Damn," Calleigh swore and looked at the note. "What about a clue?"

Valera looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that a little too Scooby Doo?"

Calleigh laughed and looked again. "It's a code," she breathed.

"What's a code?"

"_All's fair in love and war _is a code. I read about code cracking, but I can't do it on this one. Anyone you know that's good with this?"

"Let me give it a shot," Valera argued, and turned to it. "Okay, so we have the 'A' that presumably sets us off." Valera scribbled the letter on a piece of paper. "Then we have an 'F', followed by an 'I', then an 'L', an 'A', and finally a 'W'. AFILAW? That doesn't even mean anything!"

"Hmmm… try using numbers."

"Well, A equals one, F equals six, I equals nine, L equals twelve, A equals one again, and finally W equals twenty-three. What does that give us?"

"52," Calleigh replied, scribbling the math on a piece of paper. "I'll call Eric. Nice work," she whispered and Valera burned bright red with a blush.

"Thanks."

Xxx

It was almost too easy. Ryan and Eric had stormed the 52nd quadrant and discovered Natalia lying on the ground, her arms bound and duct tape covering her mouth. She was breathing, thankfully, but barely. Tears welled in Ryan's eyes as they loaded her on a stretcher.

"Something's not right, Wolfe," Eric responded to the relieved look on his friend's face.

"Delko, come on, let's just be happy."

"It was too easy. This guy is calculating, cunning. He knows our every move. He figured out where we were hiding her and he tricked us completely."

"Then we'll get him. With a statement from Talia and some solid evidence, we'll nail him."

Eric shifted uneasily, but did not want to pursue the topic any further. "Just get her home. And take care of her. This guy will be pissed- you've broken his routine, and things aren't over yet. You got me, Wolfe?"

"I got you."

Eric stormed away, slightly angry. His friend was taking this far too likely. Sure, he had only dated her for a shirt time, but he cared deeply for Natalia and if something were to happen to her because of Ryan, Eric didn't know if he could contain himself.

Xxx

Natalia was lying in a hospital. The one place she despised most would be housing her for the next four hours while they ran tests and rape kits and everything that made her hate this place more than she already did. To top it all off, Ryan wasn't there. Things had been hitting a high point between the two of them. Natalia knew her kidnapping jeopardized things between them, as had Molly's presence. However, Natalia knew she would have to accept both things someday and move on.

That was until she saw Ryan in the hallway. Natalia saw him running, cinnamon roll and mocha in hand, presumably charging towards her room. He stopped in front of her room, saw her laying there, a weak smile on her face, and waved to her. He offered her a small wink and opened the door softly. "Hey baby," he whispered, and Natalia gave a pale smile.

"Hi Ryan," she mumbled, wiping the tears from her amber eyes.

"I got you a cinnamon roll," he laughed, and she smiled weakly.

"I'm now on a diet." Natalia joked, and Ryan sat next to her, wrapping her in his arms as far as the hospital bed would allow. Calleigh and Eric stood outside the window, grinning at the awkward but sweet sight.

"I thought I lost you," he whispered into her curls, and she giggled.

"Imagine how I was feeling," she laughed, but it fell flat. Ryan was holding back. "What's wrong?"

Ryan's hazel eyes met hers in a brief moment of intensity before he looked down at her hand that was wrapped in his. "Nothing, love. Nothing anymore."

"Well, I'd really like to get out of here as soon as we can. You wanna grab something to eat?"

Ryan looked up, shocked. "Natalia, we can't just go out in public! The serial killer's still out there, and…"

He stopped himself before the tears fell from her eyes. "I thought…" Natalia whispered. "I thought you found him."

"Nat…" he began, but was met with a fierce hawk gaze.

"DON'T _NAT_ ME! I THOUGHT YOU FOUND HIM!" she screamed.

"I love you," he gushed, and she turned her back on him. "Talia, you know how tough it is, and this guy was good, may he rot in hell!"

"Ryan, I just wanted some closure!" she yelled, turning back to him in fury, tears flying from her eyes. "This is the SECOND bastard that thinks he can have his way with me and I never want to taste him AGAIN!"

The shock and truth of her words hit him hard in the chest. "He raped you?" was all he could manage.

"Yes, Ryan, HE DID! I want him gone!"

There was an awkward pause of about five minutes. Ryan stroked the back of Natalia's hand, over her knuckles like a boat over the raging seas while she wailed into his shoulder. When her sobs broke, Ryan took the opportunity to not only stop the awkwardness but also find closure for himself.

"Natalia, do you want to know what I want you to remember?"

"What?" she sputtered through every breath.

"Every waking moment while you were kidnapped, the whole team spent looking for you, worrying about you, and dreaming about the day you were found. And today's that day. I spent night after night crying myself to sleep until you returned, and now you're back to us. I don't give a fuck if this bastard disappears and we never hear about him again, as long as he never touches you again. You hear me?"

"I hear you," she whispered softly.

"I love you," he repeated, and she laughed.

"Love you too, Ry," she mumbled into his shoulder.

Ryan assumed that everything was okay. "Would you like your cinnamon roll?"

Natalia laughed. "Of all the bone-headed questions."

"That's your boyfriend," Ryan chuckled, and she grabbed it with greedy hands.

"I haven't eaten in two days," she whispered awkwardly, and the room fell silent.

"Well… now you can," Ryan offered slowly, and Natalia wiped her eyes.

Xxx

Leaving Natalia alone in the hospital probably wasn't the best plan, but Ryan had to answer a call from Molly and he knew that Natalia would be able to deduce who it was on the other end. He'd promised Natalia that he'd be back as soon as possible, and urged her not to worry, as Calleigh and Eric were outside the door.

Ryan emerged outside of the hospital, answering. "Hey Molly, what's up?"

_"Ry, you need to get protection. NOW!" _came the strangled sob.

"Molly, what's wrong?"

_"He said he's after you next. Oh, Ryan, please be careful!_"

"Molly, where are you? I'm sending someone over there immediately!" he screamed. "Molly, don't get off the line."

_"Okay," _came her breath. _"Ryan, I can't breathe. He stabbed me. RYAN!" _ She continued to yell as the life left her body slowly and painfully.

Ryan quickly alerted Eric and Calleigh to the situation and stormed down to the parking garage to grab his Hummer. He should have heard the slow, monotonous footsteps making their way towards him, but of course the arm wrapped around his neck and the wind being slowly torn out of his body was a surprise. Ryan blacked out in the arms of Natalia's kidnapper.

Xxx

Molly held the phone in one hand as she tried to crawl towards the door, blood pouring out of her abdomen. She heard the sirens barreling down the street and prayed that Ryan was safe as the police stormed her apartment. "You're going to be okay, ma'am," the EMT assured her, as she was loaded on the stretcher, blood gushing out of a canyon wound in her stomach.

Horatio stood at the entrance, back in full form, with Calleigh by his side. "Calleigh, what does this look like to you?"

"Our primary crime scene," Calleigh replied.

"Crime, scene," Horatio began, "and investigation."

**Hope you enjoyed! I'll be back with more as soon as school allows me. Review!**


	13. Run Away

**A/N: I'm kind of on the fence about what pairings to center on now. I REALLY love RaiN, but I'm getting these Hiphugger cravings. I'm also not sure about the whole Ryan/Molly thing because Molly's growing on me and I don't really know how to handle it. It'll probably be split 50/50 for the rest of the story between R/N/M and E/C. (Also, there's this weird E/N part that I didn't really add in intentionally… don't worry, not a potential pairing!) There's also always the chance that things won't work out so well for R/N… but do you want to know the way you can figure out what happens? R&R!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 13

Molly's eyes blinked open. A piercing glare met her emerald orbs with ferocity so powerful that she was blinded for a heartbeat. The light slowly faded as a shadow loomed over her, chestnut brown hair sweeping over her line of sight before slowly the long strands retreated as her visitor sat down. Molly took this moment to turn on her side to face the woman that had just joined her. Natalia's face was in her hands as she yawned at wiped her eyes free of the stale tears Molly was sure had been there for hours. Molly looked at her forehead, with a small scar tracing its way across the caramel skin. "Hi, Natalia," she mumbled, and Natalia looked up with surprise.

"Molly! You're okay!" Natalia breathed contentedly.

"Mmmm," she replied, rubbing her stomach where she could feel the stitches.

"Thank god," Natalia whispered softly, holding Molly's pale hand.

"Why… why are you… doing this?" Molly sputtered.

"I have to tell you something," Natalia mumbled carefully.

"Okay," Molly managed to respond before she was met with a wrack of coughs. When the bout had ceased, Natalia stroked the back of her smooth hand sadly with a piercing remorse glowing in her chocolate eyes.

"When you were stabbed… the baby… didn't make it."

Her words hit Molly like a rock in the chest. Tears burst from her eyes like water from a dam, threatening to engulf her at any moment. Her skin became saturated with her depression, the tears catapulting down her whitening face. Natalia held her hand as Molly wept for hours on end, with small breaks in between her sobs, as her sides ached from the pain of breathing. The stitches broke with her tears, and the doctors informed her that she would enter remedial second stage surgery in an hour. Natalia never left her side as they prepped her for the surgery, and insisted that she be able to watch the procedure from outside through the window. The doctor, seeing the emotionally damaged state Molly had entered, decided that it was best to comply. Natalia did not particularly like Molly, but at this point it didn't matter. Molly needed someone, and if Ryan couldn't be there for her, Natalia would. Which begged the question: where was Ryan?

Calleigh had been the first to notice his conspicuous absence. He had informed her that he was running to Molly's aid after hearing of her stabbing, and told her to alert the authorities. Calleigh had been originally suspicious when she had not seen him at the crime scene, but assumed he had rushed to the police station. Horatio knew something was wrong the moment Eric alerted them that he had found what he said was Ryan's Hummer in the parking garage of the hospital they had chased Natalia with only a mere seven hours earlier. Horatio had been frantic, scouring the crime scene with a fine-tooth comb and they came up empty, save for the broken chip of a tooth they assumed was either Ryan's or his attackers.

"Anything, honey?" Calleigh called to Eric as he scanned the scene with his eyes.

"Nothing new. The tooth is really the only mark we have of Ryan here. If it weren't here, I wouldn't think anything was wrong. Plus it's bloody."

"What about the skid marks?"

Eric looked at Calleigh sadly. "Don't you think, with all the cars that park here daily, it's irrelevant? There's no way to be sure it's from the getaway car."

"True, but it's worth a shot. If Natalia can match it to the car she was kept in, it might help us out a little. I'll get the tooth to Valera, and why don't you take some measurements for Natalia? She's gonna run back into the lab after Molly finishes surgery."

"She's in there with Molly?"

Calleigh looked at him with a smirk. "It's just her being friendly, Eric."

"Friendly, or protective?"

Calleigh giggled and picked up her kit. "I'll meet you at home."

"Your place or mine?"

"Haven't we passed that stage? Get your stuff to Natalia," Calleigh laughed and strode off towards her Hummer.

Xxx

"Look who's back!" Eric called as he swung the door open to the DNA lab.

"And I'm loving every second," Natalia spoke dryly and continued to run the DNA through CODIS. "What do you have for me?"

"I have the measurements for the car, so we ran it and it turns out that the distance between the wheels match a Chevy truck, the 2008 version. Sound familiar?"

Natalia tapped her pen against her chin. "Couldn't be. I was in a trunk."

Eric groaned. "So it's a no-hitter?"

"That's what I'm thinking," Natalia confessed softly. "I'm sorry."

"It's no problem. Maybe he's using another car?" The suggestion was relatively idiotic, but it made everything seem much easier.

"Eric, come on. I'm sorry, but we have no leads. Maybe Ryan is just at home or something… drinking away his troubles? That's kind of his MO, right?"

"Natalia, I know this is hard for you to deal with, so… just keep working, alright?"

"Thanks, Eric," she breathed. Feeling suddenly lonely, Natalia grabbed his arm as he turned to leave the lab. She planted a soft kiss on his lips; it was not romantic, just loving, and Eric knew better to take it as any more than that. "I love you," she whispered. "All of you. Thanks for being there for me."

Her soft smile made him feel slightly weak in the knees, but he brushed it away. _That was years ago. _"That's what we do," he mumbled. "Now get back to work."

Natalia laughed. "Ever the gentleman. Thanks, Eric."

Calleigh caught Eric walking in the hallway. "Hey, Eric, I need some help with this evidence. You wanna lend a hand?" Eric groaned with displeasure. "Hey, save those noises for the bedroom," Calleigh laughed, and Eric looked around, immediately embarrassed.

"Fine. What's up with the evidence?"

"Well, I realized there was something wrong with the crime scene, and I realized what it was. Ryan's Hummer isn't his Hummer. I checked the license plates, and they don't match up. It doesn't have the PD sticker on the side. Ryan was captured in his own car."

Eric breathed in. "So that dumbass is driving around in Wolfe's car, which is really easily detectable, like he wants us to find him?"

"It's not that simple. It's another warning."

"Warning? For who?"

"He left that car for you, Eric, for you to take the bait, like he leaves the women at his next victims' houses. You're the one he's after," Calleigh replied, wiping her eyes.

"It's like a fucking chain," Eric breathed. "Okay, well I'm not leaving the lab, then. He isn't stupid to charge the lab, gun or no gun."

"Good. I'll go out in the field."

"Cal, how do you know that that car was left for me and not someone else?"

"He's too calculating. Even if it were planned for someone else, he would have seen you get there first and chosen you as his victim. You need to stay here, completely safe. You'll be on lockdown with Natalia and Molly- both of them are potential victims as well. Please be safe, okay?"

"All right." Eric watched as Calleigh turned to get on the elevator. "I love you!"

"I love you too, babe," she whispered, and the doors closed behind her.

Xxx

Natalia wiped the computer screen clear and sat back down in the break room. Eric paced the room anxiously, bouncing a little on his right hip as he waited. "Stop that, you're making me nervous," Natalia had snapped, but Eric did not comply, instead continuing to tap against the counters as he jogged slowly around the room.

"Well, this is lovely," Natalia, whispered dryly, and Eric smirked.

"It's wonderful," Eric replied jokingly. Natalia glared at him and continued to wipe her computer screen with a grimy cloth.

"Did you have plans?"

"Yeah, I was going over to Calleigh's," Eric replied.

"Things are that serious?"

"As they've ever been," Eric responded, a nostalgic smile on his dark face.

"If you don't mind my asking, how did you get past… the fights?"

Eric looked at Natalia concernedly. He'd always loved her- not in the way he loved Calleigh, but with intense admiration. She had been like a little sister to him, someone he could guide and show the ropes to. Natalia had always shut off her connections with other people, particularly men, because of how much she'd been hurt. Eric knew the way he'd treated her during their relationship possibly wasn't the best way to heal that, but he'd been good to her as long as fate would allow. Now he was hearing of how Wolfe, his best friend, was hurting her. Eric shook himself out of his epiphany, realizing that he had been staring at her for a good two minutes.

"Does this have to do with Wolfe?" Eric demanded. "Do you need me to help?"

"It's nothing I can't handle," Natalia snapped, and then softened. "Answer me."

"You figure it out," Eric responded. "Seriously. If you're supposed to be together, things will fall into place."

"I'm so scared for him, Eric," Natalia whispered, wiping her eyes for the first time, feeling the fresh warm stain of tears against the back of her hand. "I want him to be okay, but I can't do anything about it."

"That's exactly how he sounded," Eric mused, and Natalia looked at him, confused. "When you were kidnapped. Both times. He worried about you day and night. I'm not gonna lie to you, things don't look great, but we'll figure it out."

"The first time we weren't even together," Natalia argued. "Not yet."

"Yeah, but he called you four times. Doesn't that sound like a guy in love?"

"He even already had told me that," Natalia whispered, wiping her eyes for the second time. "Eric, what if we aren't enough? What if the killer…gets to him first?"

Eric looked at her with pain in his eyes. "Don't worry, Natalia, we'll get him. Both of them."

They both looked into each other's eyes, and Natalia broke down in Eric's strong arms, her sobs echoing through the small room like the wails of the wind on a stormy day. Calleigh interrupted them, knocking tentatively on the door. Eric nodded for her to continue, and Natalia straightened herself up, wiping her eyes free of the tears. "Eric, Nat, we've got a lead." They all walked towards the A/V lab, where Calleigh had placed a bunch of pictures on the large floating computer screen.

"So, I had Walter run the skid marks that were about two rows away from Ryan's kidnapping site, and I realized that they're the same width as his Hummer. We recovered these same skid marks at Molly's house that the neighbors reported a few hours later, after Molly was at the hospital."

"What's he doing at Molly's house?"

"Probably scoping out, to see the damage," Eric replied, nodding at the pictures Calleigh put up on the screen. "Serial killers often enjoy visiting the site of their previous murders or attacks as a way of memoriam- this one obviously seems to have a lot of remorse, by warning them and revisiting the crime scene."

"Trust me, this guy had no regrets," Natalia whispered to herself, but pushed the thoughts out of her mind. "Okay, so where will he visit next?"

"Possibly the hospital. We're having Molly sent over here immediately so she's not in any danger, and we've posted guards around the garage area to prevent any suspicious activity," Calleigh responded, checking her phone. "Walter says he's with Molly now, and that they're almost to the lab."

"So what is our lead?"

"The skid marks at Molly's were analyzed by Valera, and we got big results. It's the same granite substance we found at the 52nd quadrant you were being kept at. Horatio and Frank are going there right now, to see if the serial killer is dumb enough to repeat the same mistake twice. That is the definition of insanity," Calleigh replied. "I'll catch up with you guys later. Stay safe."

Xxx

"MIAMI DADE-PD!" Horatio yelled as he stormed the mine area. A man, dressed completely in black, stood above Ryan's lifeless form, licking the blood off of his knife. An insane cackle reverberated through the killer's chest.

"HORATIO CAINE!" the attacker screamed. "The great Horatio!"

"It doesn't have to end this way," Horatio yelled again, holding his gun straight with his head tilted to the side. "Come with me to PD, we can talk things out. Drop the knife."

"It's too late for that!" The killer screamed, throwing the knife in Horatio's direction. Horatio took three shots-each one of them nailing him straight in the chest. Ryan's body convulsed suddenly, and Horatio rushed to his side. "FRANK, CALL THE PARAMEDICS!"

The older man complied, kicking aside the dead body of the serial killer and calling for an ambulance. "Officer down, I repeat, officer down! This is Sergeant Frank Tripp, requesting medical attention IMMEDIATELY! Come on, hang in there, Benedict Arnold," Frank quipped, leaning by Horatio, who had removed his blazer and pressed it tightly against Ryan's chest wound to stop the blood flow.

"Frank," Ryan sputtered, spitting blood out from his lips. "Tell… Natalia…"

"I know, kid, I know," Frank whispered, wiping the tears off of Ryan's face.

"I love you, Mr. Wolfe, don't leave us like this," Horatio yelled, and Ryan nodded slowly.

"I told you I'd give you… everything," he whispered, and Horatio nodded.

"And you have, Mr. Wolfe, you have," Horatio urged. "Everything and more."

"Call me Ryan," he whispered, before his eyes rolled back in his head.

"FRANK, GET THE PARAMEDICS!" Horatio yelled.

"Horatio, he's gone. Horatio, he's gone!"

Tears rolled down the old lieutenant's wrinkled face. Ryan's body convulsed once more, before lying limp in the dust. Horatio screamed for help, but his voice was lost in the echoes of the cavernous place. The sirens shrieked in the periphery of Ryan's mind, as he had not completely left this realm, but somehow they didn't truthfully register.

Xxx

Natalia got the call at one in the morning. She knew what it meant- it was the epitome of all tragic deaths in the field. The loving wife, at home with children, hearing the knock on the door alerting her of her husband's death. Only Ryan wasn't supposed to die. Natalia hadn't yet gotten the chance to be Mrs. Wolfe. She hadn't gotten the chance to walk down the aisle with him. He hadn't gotten the chance to propose. She hadn't gotten the chance to reply with a joyous and heart wrenching "yes" before locking lips with the man she loved. In fact, she'd barely told him she loved him, and she hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye.

The call was not from the army, or the police station. Calleigh's tired, weary voice echoed over the line, as Natalia slept on the break room floor, her cell phone rang. "Hi, Cal," Natalia whispered softly.

"They found him," Calleigh began. "They found Ryan and they killed the serial killer."

"That's… good," Natalia, whispered, fearful of feeling too relieved.

"And… he's going to make it."

The words took a huge load off of Natalia's chest and she found herself crying. Eric woke up beside her and looked at the soft smile on her face and the water droplets cascading down her cheeks. "That's so, so, so good, Calleigh. It's actually really, really great."

"You can't see him yet… they still have him on life support."

"I'm glad they're doing something," Natalia whispered, and there was silence.

"How's Eric?" Calleigh asked, changing the awkward subject.

"Sleeping like an angel," Natalia laughed unaware that Eric was awake.

"I'm glad. Well, I love you honey. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you then Cal. Love you too. Goodbye."

Natalia lay down once more, breathing in the stillness of the air around her. _All is well, _she thought calmly. _For now, _a voice deep in her subconscious echoed. Had Natalia wanted to see Ryan, she would have found a way. But knowing that he was barely breathing because of her tore her heart out of her chest. How could she let that happen to him? Slow guilt ached its way across her heart. _Maybe this is trying to tell me something, _Natalia thought. _Maybe I need to… run away. _

The next morning, guilt drove Natalia to an extent she would not expect from herself. She watched Eric's body rise and fall with his soft breathing in rapturous sleep, and wrote the quick note.

_Eric-_

_ I can't stay here. I need to find out who I am after everything that's happened me over the past year. I don't even think I know anymore. Please tell Ryan not to worry- I will be back, someday or another, and tell him to move on as well. _

_Love Always,_

_Natalia XOXO_

Natalia glanced back over at Eric, who slept soundly on the floor. She took one last look at the lab she had designed, the home she had lived in for the past five years, and then down at the note she had written that would erase all of that. But it was time. Natalia had not needed to pack, as she would leave things as they were. Hopefully she would be back soon. She grabbed a few spare clothes from her house, a toothbrush, her keys and her gun, and soon she was gone. Miles away, Ryan awoke in the hospital, with the strange sensation that something was missing in his life.

**There you go! Serial killer plot wrapped up, some pretty emotional Horatio scenes (with Ryan of course), some good E/C, Natalia angst, and the death of Molly's demons spawn LOL. I know, sad that Natalia's running away, but after everything that happened, could you really blame her? Well, R&R, and expect at least 10 chapters after the jump!**


	14. One Month

**Hello, hello! Let me just give you an inkling of my plan. I think I'm going to end this story after Chapter 15, which will presumably wrap up any of the strings, and you'll be happy with it…but I'm not ruling out a sequel. Maybe its just that CSI: Miami has been frustrating me lately, but you at least get 2 more chapters. After that, I'll take a few days off and try to work out a plot for the sequel. It's tough being an author, am I right? This chapter is A LITTLE CaRwash-y, but I promise you nothing will come of it. Enjoy the last few, and R&R! **

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 14

It was as if his entire world came crashing down in 24 hours. Ryan had awoken, and Alexx had assured him that he need not worry about Natalia or Molly, as they were both in good health. She had purposefully left out the details of Natalia's disappearance and the death of Ryan's child, but had insisted that he stay in rest at the hospital, and that he should have no visitors. Calleigh had argued incessantly, so Alexx had finally agreed to allow her entry. Calleigh softly opened the door to his small room. "Hey, honey," she whispered, and Ryan smirked.

"How are you?" he laughed, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm glad you're feeling well enough to be an ass," Calleigh giggled and stroked the back of his hand. "How are _you_?"

"Been better," he mumbled slowly. "Where's Natalia?"

"At the lab," Calleigh lied. "With Eric."

"Is he taking care of her?" Ryan demanded.

"I promise you…she'll be okay," Calleigh responded, wiping her eyes.

"Cal, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong," Calleigh whispered. "Honey, there's something I have to tell you."

"Go ahead," Ryan replied slowly. "Hit me with your best shot."

"When…Molly was stabbed, the baby didn't make it."

Ryan's hazel eyes expanded in utter shock. Calleigh continued to stroke the back of his pale hand. "Wow," was all he could manage. One lonely tear traced its way down his cheek. "I…hadn't been thinking about…what it could mean for Molly."

"It's not your fault, sweetheart," Calleigh insisted. "Never."

"Is Molly okay?" Ryan inquired, wiping his eyes free of the glimmering tears.

"Better than you," Calleigh quipped jocularly.

"I'm glad," he whispered, and closed his eyes for a second. "Can I call Natalia?"

Calleigh choked on her water as she heard his question. "Ryan, I don't know if that's such a great idea."

"Calleigh, what's going on?" Ryan demanded. "I can tell something's wrong. I WANT TO CALL NATALIA!"

"You can't!" Calleigh begged. "She ran away, Ryan. She wants you to move on."

"No," Ryan whispered, before he found his voice. "NO," he cried, his voice cracking like a teenaged boy. "It's not true! YOU'RE LYING!" It was more of a question than an accusation. "Tell me you're lying," Ryan begged, wiping his eyes.

Calleigh's eyes brimmed with tears Ryan guessed had been building up over the past week. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. That was the last straw, as Ryan's eyes rolled back in his head and he returned into a deep sleep.

Xxx

One month. Ryan tried to go to work without thinking of her brilliant smiles, her bright chocolate eyes, or her sweet voice as she sang her off-key rendition of songs that made him cringe. Everything had changed within a week. Natalia was gone, and Ryan assumed that she would never be coming back. He and Eric had visited her house and found that the majority of her clothes were emptied out of her closet and all of her forty pairs of shoes were abandoned out on the front lawn, clearly burned by a failure of a bonfire. Her house looked relatively pristine from the outside. Ryan went everyday to keep the weeds under control in feeble hopes that one day she would return to find a perfectly tended garden sprouting beneath her windowsill. He knew that was misinformed wishful thinking.

Horatio had been showing up less and less for work. He implored Frank to go to the crime scene on his own and instead stayed in the lab, occasionally interrogating suspects but spent the majority of his time running DNA in Natalia's stead. Calleigh had insisted that Valera could handle it on her own, but Horatio had refused the notion angrily and she had not followed up on her insistence. Frank was aging rapidly as well, Ryan noticed, and occasionally requested that Eric chase down the suspects while he spent most of his time on the computer, running information for Calleigh.

Molly and Ryan mainly sought each other's company. He occasionally slept by her side, but always on the floor. Natalia may have left him, but the hope that she would someday return lingered in his mind, refusing to leave like a parasite. Molly had begged that Ryan move in with her, assuming that they were growing closer, but Ryan denied her request and reinforced the fact that as long as Natalia was gone, he would remain faithful.

Calleigh, for her part, had been running every investigation with an iron fist. Natalia's absence had shaken her visibly, but she attempted to cover it up. Most of the time Calleigh spent with Ryan, and the two grew closer, their friendship feeding off each other's grief. Ryan and Calleigh would go to the same bar together for a round of drinks. Eric had complained to the latter about the lack of time they spent together, but Calleigh had insisted there was nothing she could do about it- she needed Ryan, and Ryan needed her. When Eric had subtly mentioned his concern to Ryan, the younger man had assured him that there was nothing romantic or sexual about their bonding, only that together they could fight through the loneliness that came with Natalia's absence. Calleigh's CaR had never been cleaner, as Ryan consistently insisted that she organize it. Calleigh's influence on Ryan was not quite as obvious, but Ryan had taken to working in ballistics more often, finding the firing of guns much more relaxing than going home and watching movies. It made him feel as though he was doing something important. Calleigh had noticed this and made a smug comment about it, but Ryan brushed it off. He knew she was hurting as well.

For the most part, the moment Natalia came up in conversation, everyone dropped it immediately, changing the subject. Walter, in all his intelligence, was often the last to pick up on the hint to change the conversation. He would frequently be the most surprised when the moment Natalia's name was mentioned they would change topics. Walter had addressed it to the team, but few of them were willing to give an answer. Molly had made one snide remark about Natalia, and Ryan had snapped at her. Molly had been surprised, but immediately understood the fragility of the situation.

Ryan had from the beginning been relatively concerned about the closeness between Eric and Natalia, but shrugged it off. Truthfully, he was not jealous of Eric even though he had had a small schoolboy crush on Calleigh since he had joined the team- which had immediately faded when he saw Natalia. Now he knew he could not even think about romance, as his heart was already broken and a large part of that was due to Natalia's conspicuous absence. Horatio, being generally good at reading people, had informed the newer lab techs how to handle Ryan's recent unpredictable behavior. He had also told them not to mention Natalia Boa Vista, even when inquiring about an old case. She had become a legend by not being there.

Xxx

Ryan closed Natalia's locker sadly, having wiped it free of dust for the fifth time that day. He heard Calleigh's heels against the locker room floor. "Hey, handsome!" Calleigh called. She immediately saw that he was not at his own locker.

"Hey, Cal," he whispered softly, picking up the Clorox and spraying the outside of her locker.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" Calleigh asked. _Stupid question_, Calleigh mused angrily to herself.

"I'm cleaning her locker. I figured since she's…not here…someone oughta keep it organized at best," he mumbled awkwardly.

"Ry, let's go get some drinks," Calleigh replied, staring at her absent friend's now-pristine locker. "We should get out of here."

"I loved her, Calleigh," Ryan blurted. "I really did."

"You _love _her, Ryan. You really _do._ Present tense."

"Thanks, Calleigh, I went through 1st grade," Ryan spoke dryly and coldly.

In the past, Calleigh would have grown frustrated, but pure empathy and compassion surged through her heart and she sighed. "She'll be back, Ryan."

"What if she never does?"

"She'll be back," Calleigh insisted, growing irritated.

"How do you know, 'oh miss perfect'?" Ryan challenged, slamming the door of Natalia's locker.

"SHE'LL BE BACK!" Calleigh screamed. Walter, who had just entered the locker room, turned around and exited awkwardly. "Ryan," she whispered, her voice growing weary, "we have to believe that she's going to come back. If we don't, we have nothing to hope for."

"I loved her," Ryan repeated, his voice cracking. "I LOVED HER!" he cried and smashed his arm into the locker door, his head falling against his forearm as soft tears plummeted from his eyes. "I LOVED HER!" he cried again, only quieter.

"I know; we all did."

"No, I _LOVED_ her. Calleigh, she was the only reason I live. Now, why am I still here? WHY?"

"That's enough, Ryan!" Calleigh's voice rose to heights she didn't know existed. "Listen, Ryan, there are people here that love you and would die for you, so please don't go all-holier-than-thou on all of us and think that you're the only one that misses her!"

There was a shocked silence. Ryan's eyes grew dark in sudden anger, but softened as he saw the wet, glistening spots below her lower eyelid. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I loved her too. She was like my sister, so please don't you DARE act like you're the only one going through this." Calleigh wiped her eyes absently and then closed them as Ryan placed his arms around her. She returned the friendly embrace and buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry I screamed," she mumbled into his chest.

"_I'm_ sorry _I _screamed," Ryan echoed, and Calleigh giggled softly before pulling away and straightening her wavy hair. Part of her was embarrassed that strong, unbreakable Calleigh Duquesne had just cried, but the other part of her just didn't give a damn.

"Let's go out for some drinks," Calleigh offered.

"Lord knows I need a buzz right now," Ryan quipped and Calleigh rolled her eyes lovingly.

"There's the Ryan I know," she laughed and grabbed his hand. "Drinks on you!" she teased, pulling him after her with laughter echoing down the corridors. Horatio stood in his office, watching the two CSI's run playfully together, and calmly placed the note Natalia had written to Eric in the bottom drawer of his desk. _We'll get past this-_Horatio thought to himself, closing up the lab for the night, taking one long look at the newly cleaned locker with Natalia's name branded on the front-_but not yet. _

Xxx

It had been one whole month. Ryan had never expected himself to move on so quickly from the grief that had dominated his thoughts for the first three weeks. Natalia was gone, he knew, but she would be back. Calleigh had convinced him that no woman could stay away from him for that long, and he had blushed, immediately embarrassed. Molly had agreed that whatever had grown between them during Natalia's kidnapping had faded, and the passionate sparks she had felt initially when they first met and flirted were under control. Molly knew that when Natalia returned, their prospective relationship would fizzle and die, and she had no problem with that. She had moved on, and she knew he had for the most part found himself.

Eric and Ryan had not argued since Natalia's departure, which had surprised the both of them. Eric had moved on from his fling with Natalia four years ago, acknowledging that there had been no deeper feelings than raw sexual attraction. Ryan had insisted that he was not interested in Calleigh romantically, and assured Eric that the moment Natalia returned, their friendship would remain strong but not quite as dominant over Eric and Calleigh's relationship. To Eric, for many reasons, the day Natalia returned could not come soon enough.

"Hey, Cal, you got anything on the Gables murder?"

"This gun is a needle in a haystack, Eric," Calleigh replied as the striations zipped through the IBIS database. "And we're getting no where."

"Should I visit Tom?" Eric inquired.

"Sit here with me!" Calleigh whined. "It's so boring!"

"Anything for you, love," Eric agreed, sitting next to her on a stool.

"Ryan's doing better," Calleigh, informed him absently.

"Can we seriously not have a conversation without talking about Wolfe?"

"Excuse me?" Calleigh snapped, turning to him angrily.

"Well," Eric began awkwardly, feeling the heat of her bitter glare, "you spend all of your free time with him, so when you spend it with me, can we not talk about him?"

"He's my best friend!" Calleigh yelled, louder than she had originally intended. "Detective Eric Delko- are you jealous?" she teased, her anger under control. Eric looked at her, a fake appalled expression flashing across his tan face.

"No! Why would you think that?"

"He has gotten bigger muscles lately… he looks more like a man," Calleigh observed, teasing Eric. He looked at her, shocked.

"Calleigh?" he asked, scared.

"Oh please, you know I'm just teasing."

"Well, with the time you spend with…" Eric began, but was interrupted by her shriek of delight.

"WE GOT A HIT!" Calleigh squealed.

Xxx

She closed her door, exhausted. Her house was cleaned to an extent that it frightened her. _Ryan_, she thought, amused. It was so organized that she had trouble even finding the milk, which was _clearly_ organized by dairy products and then by the alphabetical order or all of those. It scared her that Ryan had taken care of her house for a whole month, without knowing exactly when she would be returning. She heard the door open and jumped at the sound of Ryan's obvious footsteps.

"Hello?" he called, hearing her clacking heels as she jumped.

"Ryan?" she asked, and he entered the room. His hazel eyes widened.

"Natalia."

**Yay, she's back! But is everything going to be the same? R&R and you'll find out!**


	15. Epilogue

**Hello! This is, unfortunately, my last chapter in BTHE. I might post a sequel later on this week or next, but truthfully I don't have many ideas! I will be posting and CaRWash story later in the week that might be about 5 chapters long, so feel free to check it out. Anyway, enjoy the finale! REVIEWS PLEASE!**

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Chapter 15

"Natalia."

Her chocolate eyes brimmed with desperate tears. His arms dropped to his sides, the Clorox and window wipes falling to the floor with a _thud _before he looked back up at her. His hands were shaking slightly, she could tell, and his eyes watered slowly. Natalia wiped her own rich orbs before looking at him directly in the eyes. "I missed you," she began awkwardly. Ryan cleared his throat uncomfortably before realizing that he had just dumped his cleaning supplies all over her hardwood floor.

"Sorry," he mumbled, before arranging the supplies neatly near her counter.

"I'm back," she joked weakly and he smirked.

"I didn't think you'd be back so soon," Ryan admitted.

There was another heart-wrenching silence. "I missed you too," he confessed.

"Wanna go out for dinner?"

Ryan winced. "Natalia…"

"What's wrong?" she looked at him, concerned.

"Natalia, when you left, I… was really hurt."

"Then let's fix that," Natalia begged, grabbing his hands. "Give me another chance."

"I already promised Calleigh that I'd go out to dinner with her."

"Oh, well, go ahead to dinner with her. That's okay. We'll grab something later, then."

"Natalia…" Ryan began, but found no words forming on his tongue.

"Ryan, I said its FINE!" She stopped when she saw the hurt glimmering in his amber eyes. "I'm happy to see you," she confessed, grabbed her purse, and strode into her bedroom. Ryan picked up his phone and dialed Calleigh's number. "Cal, I don't think I can make it to dinner tonight. She's back." Ryan hung up before getting her answer. He knew that by simply saying 'she' Calleigh would understand. Ryan wandered into Natalia's bedroom, where the brunette sat on her bed, wiping her chocolate eyes.

"Natalia," he whispered, and she looked up, surprised.

"I thought you had dinner?" Natalia inquired and he smiled.

"I have dinner with you," he breathed with a smirk. Natalia grinned back.

"And desert?" she demanded seductively and grabbed his arm until he fell onto the bed on top of her. She rolled over on top of him, kissed him on the nose, and then stood up.

"You're such a tease!" Ryan whined and Natalia giggled.

"I've missed you. A lot."

"Same here," Ryan replied earnestly. "You were the one that ran out on me."

"About that…I'm really sorry. I was being stupid. I was feeling guilty, and I just…loved you too much. I was just confused."

"It's not your fault, Natalia. You've just been through a lot. Where did you go?"

"Anya's," Natalia confessed. "And then to my mom's house. To be honest, I don't really know what I was looking to find, but I just needed a break from everything. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Ryan argued. "You didn't mean to abandon me!"

Natalia wasn't sure if he'd been joking. "Ryan, I was kidnapped! I was raped! I was almost KILLED! Do you think it even mattered to me whether or not I was abandoning you?"

The words dripped with an acid she had not intended. Ryan's eyes darkened. "Well, I'm so fucking glad that I don't even mean a fuck to you!"

"Ryan, don't do this. You're scaring me!"

"Shut up, Natalia, SHUT UP!" He shouted, before calming down. "You have no idea what the past month has been like to me. How was I supposed to know you'd actually come back? You just up and LEFT! I thought it was because of me. I didn't even know if we were still together, or if you would come back married and with children. I didn't know a THING of how to reach you. I didn't know where you'd gone. You could've asked for vacation… but NO! THAT WOULD'VE BEEN TOO FUCKING CONSIDERATE FOR YOU, RIGHT NATALIA?"

"YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT THE PAST MONTH HAS BEEN LIKE FOR _YOU?" _Natalia screamed, her voice rising to a heightened pitch. "I was kidnapped! Raped! Almost killed! Don't you _dare_ tell me what you went through!"

"Fuck you, Natalia," he snapped. "You don't understand! Not at all!"

"_I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, RYAN!"_ she screamed. His eyes softened at the tears bursting from the bottoms of her chocolate eyes. _"I JUST NEEDED TO GET AWAY!"_ She broke down in his arms, her tears echoing through the soft night. He could hear her shattered breaths as she struggled for air. "I never meant to hurt you," she mumbled into his chest, tears staining his T-shirt.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing the top of her head gently.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…" Natalia's mumbling was a ceaseless repetition in the recesses of his mind. It was a relentless chorus that sang through his ears. Ryan began to sing softly and Natalia looked at him, surprised and altogether pleased that he was not quite as off-key as she usually was.

"And I-I-I will always love you," he whispered into her ears, the soft notes breaking down the barrier's she'd put up. She agreed to sing with him. Her voice, an eager alto, matched against his deep baritone timber and their harmony, albeit horrendous, melted together. He held her tight against his chest and they sang for hours on end, never once growing tired. They could miss their dinner just this once. Natalia held the tears in behind her hazel eyes. She wouldn't cry for him anymore.


End file.
